Dragon Dance

I think I'm going to really like dragon dance once my cardio is up to snuff.  When it's going slower and I can keep up, its alot of fun.  When I start panting and wheezing, not so much.  I'm starting to figure out how my hands need to go and what signals to look for from the dragon head, when I can actually see it.  I think if I get to practice more in a bit of a slower environment, I'd be ok.

It was great to see everyone at practice.  It made me feel alot better about Saturday and I'm really happy that we don't have to drop out. 

Just so you guys know, Tuesdays and Thursdays won't work for me for a little while.  I have some stuff I need to take care of, but I will definitely be there for my classes Monday and Wednesday, and Fridays and Saturdays.  I hope we practice dragon on Saturdays.  I mentioned this before as well but I'll remind everyone, I won't be here Canada Day weekend, my brother is getting married in Lethbridge and I need to leave the Friday and come back the Sunday.  I will be here Canada Day though if there's somewhere I can help.

Lack of Practice

I'm seeing this demo suffering.  It's obvious when we aren't practicing together.  There were a good portion of over a month where there were a consistent group of people getting together, and I thought things were getting pretty smooth and looked really good.  Now, it's less and less people and as we throw people in as replacements, especially in any portion that requires more than 1 person like Lao Gar or self defense, it looks pretty obvious that there wasn't much practice involved.  I know for myself I need to feel comfortable with what I'm doing and if I'm thrown in somewhere unprepared, I flounder and get frustrated, the better prepared I am, the better I feel about what I am doing.  I talked a few times about people making sure they are there even if they aren't in this lineup so there could be people ready to sub, and ready for the next demo, where'd you all go?  Is there something we can do to involve more of you?  I seriously think we need to start working better as a group and get our "stuff" together.  There are plenty of ways to stay involved as well if you can't be physically with us.  For example, blogging lets us know where you are, Utilizing UBBT chat, post a video of the form you've been working on.  At least then, we know that you are still with us, practicing, and ready to go at a moments notice. 

How Do You REALLY Feel?

Not sure if I should write this post or not, but I am extremely frustrated.  My left hip and knee rotate inward and are constantly in pain. I find my hip dislocating itself and going back in constantly and this is very painful, it mostly happens when throwing side heels or back kicks.  My right arm is still not fully functional after injuring it a few years ago, it's much better but still has a long way to go.  My cardio is really bad, after a small amount of running with that dragon last night, I thought I was going to black out.  I started smoking when I was 14 and regret doing that, especially now.  I used to take all sorts of medication to try to alleviate the pain but I got so tired of putting chemicals I couldn't even pronounce in my body that I just decided to deal with it.  I need to see a chiropractor or physio and get orthotics made, etc, etc...but it all costs money, even with benefits.  It sucks having to go through life and makes you super cranky to always be hurting.  What sucks even more is when you do talk about it, it seems like you're just complaining or whining all the time.  Realistically, if I told you every time I was in pain, I'd be complaining ALOT.

I'm also frustrated with the amount of kung fu I've thrown myself into.  It's extremely aggravating and demotivating being the slow kid in class all the time.  It's also starting to really bother me that with working full time and being in Stony 5-6 days a week and with Josh working full time and going to school part time, I see him only an evening a week.  Also frustrated that alot of our team hasn't been able to show up to things, which makes me feel alot of pressure to fill in for things that I definately don't feel ready for.  I'm also frustrated that I can't seem to remember to log anything.  All I can say is GRRRRRRRR!

None of this should probably bother me so much but it does.  I mean, no one is holding a gun to my head and making me do this...So why is it frustrating me so much?

Good Enough vs Not Good Enough

I've read alot about people accepting good enough and moving on without ever learning their full potential.  I think the opposite can be damaging as well.  I often think "not good enough"...it makes me so frustrated when I'm not good at something and I don't get there as quickly as I think I should and 90% of the time, I just give up.  I think a good balance is essential.  I think you need to develop recognition that you are good enough for now, can be better and will strive to be better.  I think either extreme is unhealthy.  I am extremely hard on myself, there's no one in this world that will criticize me more than I will.  I need to learn to be comfortable with my current capabilities and be alright with working on my weaknesses one step at a time without damaging my self worth and running away from things all the time.  Right now, I'm more out of my comfort zone than I ever have been and I'm teetering between giving up and moving forward and I'm really trying not to quit.

A Pit of Snakes and Tarantulas

Many people have their fears.  Mine happens to be public performances, worms, centipedes and deep water.  Unfortunately for me, I have to overcome one of those in order to get my blackbelt.  I ask you though,  please don't push me too hard.  A gentle nudge is ok, but I need to overcome it in my own way.  If your biggest fear was snakes and tarantulas and I asked you to jump into a pit of them, would you?  Probably not, you'd want to start off by being alright with pictures of them, then by being in the same room, then by maybe touching one and then by holding one.  If I told you that you had to jump in a pit full of them, you'd probably faint or run away.  This is how I feel when being pushed into public performances.  I don't want to feel like my decision has to be do it or quit.  I want to start gradually with dragon dance or something.  I'm willing to try but don't want to be overwhelmed.

Little Lion

I saw the little purple lion yesterday in the kids class.  I love it and it looks my size!  I have to work on my thigh muscles now so I can hold a horse stance for longer than 20 seconds and get in there!

Mumford and Sons

I missed class last night to go to Mumford and Sons.  I got tickets for my birthday.  It was awesome!  I'm a little tired and cranky today but its worth it.  I remember when I used to be able to stay out until 4am and be at work for 8am.  Those days are definitely gone. 

I'm still not logging, I don't know what to do to get my brain to remember.  I know I'm doing way more acts of kindness than I'm writing down because I feel guilty when I'm not nice when I have the chance to be.  All 20+ of you are sitting on my shoulder, acting as my conscience.

I'm worried about our upcoming demo.  It was really good, for over a month we had a good group of people that were able to diligently come to practice but for the past couple of weeks, that's seemed to go downhill and there are a couple people now that know they can't make it because of the date.  I'm not blaming anyone, most of you have very good and understandable reasons, it's just the circumstances.  I hope we practiced enough before hand that everything goes smoothly.  It's mostly the people for the fill in positions I'm nervous about because I didn't really give them all that much time to practice.  Like I said in my UBBT post though, I'm naturally a worrier.

Why are people not blogging anymore? I read them, it helps me with my struggles when I find some of you are having the same ones.  It also helps me to get to know you better, especially you guys that aren't at the kwoon that much.  At first I felt creepy about it but now I spend my lunch breaks reading blogs.  Don't give up, you're not allowed to quit!

Long Weekend

I was a little disappointed in the turn out for Friday's Demo practice.  It looks like I'm losing alot of the self defense portions as partners disappear.  To me, these parts are important.  It gives "meaning" to the forms we are showing for those who don't understand forms...I'm not sure if that makes sense or not, but it does in my head.  Regardless if I'm making sense or not, I hope this week we can get it all together without any absenses. 

For Sihing Janzen's challenge.  I'm not sure how I'm going to take a video and post it yet but I will try to figure it out.

Overwhelmed

There's so much to learn in so little time.  I'm just learning knife defenses, trying to learn Long 1, trying to learn how to do a backwards shoulder roll for Sei Chen (totally know I spelled that wrong), trying to organize a demo for the first time, trying to learn ropedart, learning to remember to log, trying to discipline myself into doing pushups and situps, etc, etc.  It's starting to be alot and trying to organize and prioritize everything gets difficult sometimes.  I periodically have to take a deep breath and sort everything out so I don't just get frustrated and quit because sometimes I feel alot of pressure that I'm sure alot of it I bring on myself.  It is a pretty darn good feeling when you finally get something though after trying for so long.  When you have those moments when something just clicks and your brain and body start working together, its awesome!  I just wish I had more of those.

RAKS-Opened door X 4, rescued a beetle from the office bathroom, picked up garbage, tried to win Mumford and Sons tickets for Josh's mom.  I just had some guy at Tim Hortons almost knock me over with door I opened for him and cough in my face so he didn't get the coffee I intended to buy for him, so I'll take that as a -1.

Need Sleep!

Ever since starting the I Ho Chaun I went from maybe 2 hours a week of kung fu to 5 classes and kung fu on my days off.  I'm exhausted.  I don't get home from my weekday classes until 10:30, then I'm to hyper to fall asleep right away so by the time I settle down its almost midnight.  Then my alarm goes off way to early and I'm not getting near enough sleep.  I had the habit of doing some situps, pushups and making a smoothie in the morning but that's been falling off the wagon lately as I've becoming much friendlier with my snooze button.  I've almost fallen asleep at work a few times and I can't keep going being as tired as I am.  I've tried several methods of relaxation after getting home so late; deep breathing, slower music, chamomile tea...it's not working...
I NEED REGULAR SLEEP AGAIN OR I WILL GO INSANE!

RAKs:  Made coffee for everyone at work, did dishes at work, opened door for someone, let 2 people in front of me in traffic, shared my cinnamon bun and made tea for girl at work.

Random Acts of Kindness #4

I'm having a hard time determining what to count as an act of kindness.  I do nice things for my animals all the time and for my family and Josh...Do these count?  I haven't been including them because I figured it should be something you wouldn't normally do or something for a stranger.  Maybe I should count everything.  I NEED TO REMEMBER TO LOG!!!  I'm going to figure out how to use my voice recorder tonight.

I called security at WEM to help a man that was passed out in the entrance and waited to see when they got there, I made conversation and smiled at the girl in the store that was obviously having a bad day, I gave Josh some of my crab dip (If you haven't noticed, I don't normally share food very well) Let 2 people in traffic, opened the door for a couple people, rescued an ant from 3 interested kitties.

Random Acts of Kindness #3

I gave my kitties new toys, let 4 people ahead of me in traffic, opened the door for 3 people, let Josh eat not 1 but 2 pieces of my delicious fudge (that should count as 1000 on its own) and ate a veggie burger, your welcome cow, don't let Mr. Fuhr find you.

Acts of Kindness #2

I'm glad for this challenge.  I read some of the blogs on my lunchbreak and there's lots of stuff I do that I wasn't even considering as acts of kindness, not that I remember to log most of the time anyway.  I have Josh picking me up a voice recorder.  I'm going to try that approach because 90% of the time, I am not logging.

I'm noticing that alot of the people that aren't blogging are the ones that are away from the kwoon for various reasons, such as work or family situations, etc.  Don't give up guys!!!  Post or send us videos of what you're up too.  I would even say that if you miss a class (the 2nd and 4th Friday or the monthly Saturday meeting)  Set an alarm for meeting time and stop wherever you are and take a picture of you doing pushups or situps and send it to us.  We could even post what we've talked about.  Let us know if we can do anything to help!

Acts of Kindness

I haven't felt like being nice to anyone yet this morning, it's not even 8 and I haven't had my coffee yet.  I kind of feel like people should be nice to me right now...

No Thanks!

It's come up a few times that I should be in the demo, yep, I probably should...originally I was planning something with Sihing Tymchuk, but it was a huge relief when he couldn't make it to some practices because he was out of town so I could pull us from the lineup. We did think it could be May. 11th, so we were under a time crunch.  Yay, I was off the hook.  It came up again last night that I should be in it.  My whole body got hot and I just wanted to leave.  I tried to practice something with Sifu Bryant for a bit, but it wasn't really working out.  I was too flustered by having so many people watching me and it was really only a few of you trying to help.  Fact, I don't get kung fu...I am not coordinated!  I don't have a problem with being corrected, but I get corrected on the same thing over and over and that frustrates me because my brain gets it but my body just goes ahead and does what it wants.  I don't feel like making an idiot of myself in front of anymore people than my orange belt class.  I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A DEMO!!!

I Missed Monday

I forgot to post why I missed class Monday.  I was in bed for a day and a half with a migraine, I didn't even go to work.

Sifu Lindstrom, I will be joining San Shao (Probably butchered the spelling) as soon as I can afford to, I promise.  My car is going to cost me about $600 more than expected so I will join ASAP, just not as soon as I initially thought.

See ya'll later!

Pandamonium

Pandamonium was great for the time I was there!  Perfect weather!  Super positive atmosphere!  Being in the bbq area allowed me to meet alot of people I had never spoken to before which was nice.  I'd like to do it again next year. 

I'm sad to say this was the first Pandamonium I've attended.  Not that I didn't want to help, It was just too hard for me to ask people for money so I was too embarrassed to attend.  I think next year I will make a goal for me to talk to 20 people about it, instead of a goal of $100.  If I make that a goal, the money will come and the money won't be so much of a focus for me as much as spreading awareness.

I'd like to hear more throughout the year about the girls we send to school...How are they doing?  Maybe send them letters?  Also, how are the animals we help?  How are the kids we provide wheelchairs for? 
It was also good to see a few of the students practicing outside.  I know the people were enjoying it, people were taking pictures and video taping you guys.  I think maybe next year if it's nice, we should plan to do this.  Maybe have a demo ready to do periodically throughout the day and lion dances more than once?

These are just my thoughts I had throughout the day.

About Me

Hello,

This is going to be nothing about kung fu.  I figured I'd post a little about myself in case anyone was curious.  If not, well, I'm posting it anyway. :)

I'm 34, born and raised mostly in Edmonton, lived in Ontario for 8 years and moved back 6 years ago.  I'm extremely shy when I first meet people but after I get used to you I don't shut up. I quit smoking 3 and a half years ago, the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done.  I love animals and have 3 rescued cats, 2 rescued bearded dragons and rescued a corn snake that lives with Josh.  If I had the space, I'd rescue way more than that but as it stands I'm already over my pet allowance by my landlord.  I love solid colors like red, indigo blue, dark purple, etc., I dislike pastels.  I love horror movies and psychological thrillers, action, and comedy.  I'm not much for romance.  Dear John was one of the worst movies I have ever seen.  If I eat candy like Smarties or M&Ms its a must that I seperate the colors first, I absolutely cannot have mixed up colors in my mouth at the same time.  My dream job would be some sort of animal trainer, preferably a dolphin trainer in Hawaii somewhere, even though, I can't swim.  I love Hagaan Daaz Peanut Butter/Chocolate Ice Cream...LOVE IT!  I can be bribed to do almost anything if you give me that stuff.  I absolutely love music and concerts.  My favorite genres are rock and alternative but I have very eclectic music taste and can be caught listening to anything based on the mood I'm in.  One of my favorite artists is Xavier Rudd, he is amazing, even better live and just a great human being in general.

Anyway, there's some random, useless facts about me!  If you see me around, come introduce yourself!

Thank You!

Thank you guys for allowing me to attempt my first demo.  To be honest, when I volunteered I was 110% sure someone would step up over me and take over.  When Sifu Rybak gave me the go ahead, I thought, well, she must not have seen how horrible I am at kung fu, I'll give it a couple days for someone to tell her and for sure someone will take over.  No one did which caused a couple sleepless nights when I realized what I had done to myself.

Then I thought, well, if I were a black belt, I'd let a lower belt level try and be there in case things started going south, so why not give it a go.  Plus, I was around a team of higher belts that would keep me in line anyway, so how bad could it be? 

I'm actually really happy I stuck with it.  I didn't even know 90% of you.  I had to creep on you all and figure out who everyone was before the first practice.  It's been awesome getting to know all of you.  If I hadn't done this, would I have talked to any of you?  Gotten to know your first names aren't Sihing or Sifu?  Found out what you did for a living?  Nope, I would've sat in a corner somewhere by myself.

The part I struggled with was speaking up and cutting people that couldn't make it out to practice.  I struggled alot with this as a lower belt and thought it wasn't my place to do such things.  I spoke about this in a previous blog so I won't say much more about it.

Anyway,  I think I've done as much as I can with this demo and will leave the final critiquing to the people who actually know what they're doing.  Shout out to Sifus Rybak, Playter and Wetter for being so supportive!  Thanks everyone for all your help, encouragement and letting me try!