Fear - 1 Lindsay - 0

I'm not sure I like the score in the title of my post, so my goal is to reverse that. The first thing I'm going to do is ask Sifu Stoddard to help me with my form to get it better. Secondly, I will perform that form in front of Sifu Wetter. (Eek) Thirdly, I will perform that form in front of the I Ho Chaun team. (Bigger Eek) If I can survive that, I will work on getting into a small demo for a small group if one comes up. *So scary* I also want to keep trying the dragon dance I've decided, if there is someone that wants to do it instead of me, I'm ok with that, but until then I'm going to keep going with it. Realistically, I'm not going to get any better unless I do. Just so you know though, I'm definitely not ready for any sort of performance yet. So, like I said, feel free to replace me any time you see fit. I've had no issues with my hip after the last couple practices, so unless it starts acting up again, I think I shouldn't chicken out. For the record, my favorite thing is the drums, I absolutely, 100% want to learn them for when I am a blackbelt. I get mesmerized watching Sifu Playter and Sifu Rybak playing the drums, I hope I'm not creeping you guys out, just watching how you get your hands move to the rhythm, that's all, I swear.

Easy Way Out?

I decided with the beginning of the I Ho Chaun year that I would be open and honest with my blogs and not give up on things so easy. I'm struggling to decide whether or not to bow out of dragon dance. If I did though, would it be because it is hard and I'm struggling it with it? Or is it for genuine concern of my hip falling out? I guess with not many people coming out to practice, I shouldn't feel guilty taking up a spot that someone else could have so I can keep trying for now.

Dear Non-Bloggers

Hello I Ho Chaun members that are not blogging. For the love of God, would you please blog. It's lonely over here blurting all my thoughts out for all to see and coming across as unstable by myself. I would appreciate some company over here in my looney bin. Thank you in advance.

When Do You Know You've Had Enough?

I said I want to try Dragon Dance and I have been but I never leave practice feeling good about it. I'm very protective of my body parts having injured them so many times so having to run and jump goes against my instict. Plus, the running, oh god, the running...So really, was this the best idea? I'd say no. I'm starting to think I really should be working on my strength and cardio before doing this. It's hard to hear what the sifu's are telling me to do when I'm concentrating on holding down my breakfast. So, what do I do? Bow out now? Shutup and let myself be dragged along? I don't even know. I don't want to slow the rest of the group but the simple fact is that I physically can't keep up right now. I'm thoroughly screwed when we pick up the pace or have an actual dance come up. The demos too, I still haven't changed my mind about those. The forms seminar was bad enough to send me into full blown panic attack and now we have Tiger Challenge...Not sure what I'm going to do about that quite yet. Really, the only thing I'm doing ok with in the I Ho Chaun is the Acts of Kindness, which I'm not logging, so I guess I'm really not doing ok with it... Why am I even here? Why do I keep showing up against my better judgment? There's got to be a reason even if I don't know what that is yet.

Sihing Lowery

Dear Sihing Lowery, I am sad to hear that you will no longer be coming back to kung fu. I don't know your reasons, and I'm sure they are very personal. I do ask though, were any of the reasons because of frustration or fear of failure? If that's the case, I believe I've failed you as a team member for not recognizing that and helping you. I also believe that if those are the reasons, you shouldn't quit just yet. If you could just push through the next little while, I'm sure things will change and we can help you. If these are not your reasons and you genuinely want to hang up the belts, I wish you well. I really enjoyed training with you and helping you with your 5 techniques. It was alot of fun. Whether you see it or not, you are a leader and I learned alot from you. People like me need people like you that are willing to help us quietly in a back corner while no one is watching. Thank you so much for your help and I am very sad to see you go.

Life Had Other Plans

While I was busy starting my chiropractor appointments and gearing up to start yoga, life had other plans. My car broke down AGAIN and got towed to the shop and my grandma fell and broke her hip AGAIN. She should be out of the hospital in 4-6 weeks, this is the second time she's broken it in 2 years so I'm really hoping she can heal and continue to live on her own. I won't be able to come to class until I get my car back and won't be able to go back to the chiropractor until I pay off my car. I suppose I at least have a game plan in a few months when everything settles. On a positive note, I love, love, love the sound of the 2 drums. I also loved the energy coming from the kwoon during Fridays nights practice. You guys are awesome! Oh did I mentioned I spilled my smoothie all over my carpet, down the side of my cabinet and inside of 2 of my purses this morning before I left my place and couldn't clean it up because the cab showed up. I anticipate a really stinky place and cat vomit everywhere from my cats trying to lick it up when I get home today. Sigh...it's going to be one of those weeks is it...

I'm NOT crazy!

I went to an hour and a half appointment last night at my chiropractor's office to go through my x-rays, scan and treatment plan. He actually asked me if I had been in a car accident because my spine looks like it has been through some trauma. My neck has lost it's natural curve, I am misaligned and there is a significant height difference in my hips which is the probable cause of my rib and hip dislocating and the pains in my left side. This is the first time someone in the medical field has actually taken the time to look at me so thoroughly and I was NOT offered medicine, in fact it is discouraged. He thinks he can help. I may need to get a lift in my one shoe for awhile to balance me out. No wonder I feel so clumsy and awkward. I'm excited that I am in fact not crazy (Josh may disagree) and there is a reason I have been complaining for all these years and I am finally getting fixed! He also encourages exercize which makes me happy because the last doctor I saw told me to quit kung fu and prescribed me some pills. Such a difference! *Happy dance*

Healthier Lifestyle - Better or Worse?

There's so many things that I've changed over the past few years for me. This past weekend was my 4 year non-smoking anniversary. Quitting smoking was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most rewarding. I never thought I could do it, it took me about 30 times to finally kick the habit, and now 4 years later I find it kind of gross. Everything has changed, my career and where I live included. More changes have come with joining the I Ho Chaun as well. I've been taking care of myself alot more than before and completely renovating my lifestyle. I'm starting to feel better but it's a struggle too. Eating and living better has definitely hit the pocket book. It's sad that it's $1 for a cheeseburger vs. $8 for a salad, plus the cost of vitamins, chiropractic care, etc...It's a bit hard to swallow, but I guess you have to look at the long term benefits. I've started chiropractic and I've budgeted for a new bed and orthotics for the beginning of October. I'm really hoping that the 3 of these things solve alot of problems for me. The hardest part is my friends. I seem to not have alot in common with alot of them anymore. I don't want to do the same things nor do I have the same priorities I used to. I seem to struggle at the kwoon too. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor and I tend to swear alot more than I should. I have to control that quite a bit because I don't want to offend anyone or say anything that could come across as disrespectful. It gets difficult sometimes to control as I become more comfortable with the Sifus and other students and sometimes I say things I immediately regret because I know how I can be taken sometimes. I assure you, I respect and admire you all alot, and am sorry if I ever offended anyone. I generally stay quiet so that doesn't happen, I'm a bit rough around the edges. I guess I'm in the midst of a complete and total lifestyle and attitude change and I'm not sure exactly how to handle everything yet. I am happy to say though that Josh said he's going to start kung fu again in the next few weeks and I'm really excited to practice with him again. See you at the kwoon!