Where's The Beef?

Let me start of by saying, I love the Keg and Brazilian Steakhouse. I love chicken wing night at Hudsons. I love the ultimate feast at Red Lobster and have no problem eating the entire thing. I hate broccoli and a majority of everything that grows from the ground. So why am I saying this? Because for the past 2 weeks I have been eating a vegetarian diet. For personal reasons I have given up meat, and man, is it ever hard. I feel hungry all the time and I seem to be eating too many carbs and junk food to fill me up. I'm sure that will change as I learn more things to make that I actually enjoy. I'm learning what to add to my food to supplement protein and ordering vegetarian cookbooks which I never thought I would see in my house. So wish me luck...I miss bacon the most.

I have been able to bring myself into the moment and calm my brain occasionally. That NEVER happened before. I hope I can do it more often as I notice the things around me more in that mindset and it is so wonderfully peaceful. I asked someone yesterday if they noticed how beautiful the frosty trees were with the sunrise in the morning. They said no, and I smiled because a year ago I don't think I would have either.

I also managed to calm my brain last class. I feel so awkward and anxious when someone is watching me or I feel like I'm being watched even when I'm not. Most of the time that feeling causes my brain to stop absorbing information because the nerves take over. After about 15 minutes in to last class I calmed myself down and was able to just enjoy my class. I hope I can keep doing that because it's not easy for me.

Anyway, that's what's up with me this week. I'm hoping we all have a strong finish to the horse team and that I can keep increasing my push-ups into the year of the sheep.

Aware

Lately I've been keenly aware of how my actions affect others. Everything I choose to do will have an impact on someone or something around me. Everything I buy to everything I eat will have a negative or positive impact on a person, an animal or the planet. Now I just have to decide whether I want to do the right things or the easy things.

Kindnesses and Stuff

As I brought up in the I Ho Chaun meeting, I've been having some problems with kindnesses which I'm pretty sure made me sound like a terrible person. I was talking about it with Josh and he said I have a problem with articulating things properly when I'm feeling strongly about something. For the record, I have no issues with things like opening doors for someone, saying thank you, and general manners and being considerate. I have no issues with empathizing with people who may be having a bad day and may be acting different than they normally would because of that. I never thought of myself as someone who expects anything in return from doing a kindness for someone, but maybe I am, because I do get a little sad when someone doesn't even acknowledge my existence after I've opened a door for them, but I don't let that affect my day.

What I'm having a problem with is learning how to deal with mean and difficult people in a kinder way. My job is one where I deal with people complaining and fighting with each other all the time. One of the project managers nicknamed me "Mother Theresa" because it always seems I'm diffusing situations. I've also been getting shoved around and getting taken advantage a lot lately and I've been biting my tongue and feeling like a doormat. I'm not sure how to deal with these situations without being mean myself. I suppose this is an anger management problem and not a kindness problem but I still need to learn how to say things to stick up for myself in the "right" way.

This has been a rough I Ho Chaun year for me but I'm happy about a couple things. I've finally figured out a way to log which works for me. Seeing Mr. Smid's posts reminds me when I forgot and I've logged a lot more than I did last year. I've also been able to remember to do something almost everyday. Last year weeks would go by and I would put off doing pushups. This year I don't miss more than a couple days, a few at most. I reset every Monday no matter how bad the week has gone. I know that I'm not hitting my numbers but I've gotten stronger since the beginning of the year. So I'm good with that.

I missed all my classes this week. Josh was really sick and I started getting it at the beginning of the week. It didn't progress to anything too bad for me but it was enough that I felt really crappy by the time I got home from work. Hopefully next week goes better.