Juggling

I found a new job. So now I'll be working 2 jobs. I'm lucky and grateful that the both are willing to share me with each other. Not many companies are willing to do that. This is good in a way. I was getting pretty overly content with the position I'm in. I have a routine and that routine, although comfortable, isn't very challenging anymore. Now I'll be doing something different with different people and on my feet all day, which will be great for the kilometres. I will still have the same amount of work at my first job, just now I'll have to get it all done in 2 days. I'm a bit nervous I'm over extending myself, but we'll see. I will have to just make sure that I balance everything the best I can to make sure work, my personal life and Kung Fu all meld together and nothing takes a back seat. The next while will be a struggle as I figure out my new responsibilities and routine, but I think I'm up for the challenge. Things are about to get a bit crazy. Wish me luck!

5 km... Oh Dear...

I'm always pretty embarrassed at how bad my cardio is. I've never been someone who ever had a desire to run. However, I guess it's the best way to develop endurance. There's a few races in Edmonton that actually seem like fun and I'd actually like to try them. Next summer I'd like to run Color Me Rad and then do the Zombie Run in the fall. Today I downloaded the free Couch to 5km app and went for a jog/run. I'm not going to lie, I felt like crap. I know my posture must've been wrong because my shins and calves hurt, so I have to get some advice on that, and I felt really weak afterward. The app is an eight week program so I'm going to keep going with it as I'm sure it will get way better. Why else would so many people do it.

Stressed, Blessed and a Little Depressed Part 2

We all have these weeks I'm sure. You wake up and water from your toilet spurts all over the floor, clean it up to find out you have no water, the air pressure was what caused the water to go everywhere. Show up to work late and un-showered to find out you no longer work full time. Have 3 panic attacks, catch pink eye from someone and your car breaks down and gets towed to a shop. Here is why I'm stressed.

However, I managed to talk myself out of my panic attacks. I thought of all the things I'm grateful for, breathed, grounded myself and slowly I calmed myself from the point of almost blacking out just by being mindful of all the things I had to be thankful for. Yay me! I also realized how many fantastic people I have in my life that are willing to support me and lend a hand. I recognize as well how this could be an opportunity for me. I get stuck in a rut and don't do anything about it until the universe shoves me and says for me to get my arse out there and make a change. Clearly I'm being shoved. Maybe this will give me a chance to do something different I would've never had the courage to do before. I'm obviously going to be stressed, I'm obviously going to have anxiety and it will get worse probably before it gets better but I'll get through it. Even with things going wrong, I have so much to be thankful for and recognize how many people have it so much worse than I do. Here is why I'm blessed.

I'm thankful I have my second family at the kwoon to go to so I can be around such positive energy. It sure helps lift my spirits to be around everyone. Thanks Sifu Regier for allowing me to drain your phone battery so I could "attend" the meeting. :)

Stressed, Blessed and a Little Depressed

For someone with anxiety issues, stability is a very important thing. When something interrupts routine, the anxiety starts making them do things they don't want to do. Having my hours cut at work and trying to figure things out is definitely making my brain glitch. I start to act obsessively way more out of control than usual. I cannot relax until my place is spotless, I'll check my oven 5 times before I'm convinced I turned it off. It becomes harder to manage than usual, and the stomach issues flare up like crazy. For those that don't have anxiety, imagine that feeling you get on one of those rides that drop 100 feet when you first start to drop...amplify that feeling by 10 or think of the feeling the last time you got really bad news. Now imagine feeling like that constantly over what should be a stupid little thing for a "normal" person. There can be no rhyme or reason that results in a panic attack. Logically, I know it doesn't make sense, still happens anyway, and the more you fight it, the worse it gets. You get stuck with a brain that you're constantly battling everyday, just to calm down and to be able to relax. The reason I'm bringing this up is because, again, someone suggested to me I teach first aid. Teaching, being in front of people, dear god no. My heart is racing and I want to puke thinking about it. However, I'm actually thinking about it this time regardless of the quivering hands and feeling like fainting. I mean, I guess, what's the worse that can happen? I vomit on someone and never see them again. I'll be in a small group, no crowd and even if I never actually teach, it's a step right? Oh dear...

See you at the kwoon.