Guilt

I'm starting to feel guilty, when I miss class, when I eat McDonalds, when I'm not practicing when I know I should be.  Saturday I was at Shaolin Fitness.  That class kills me, I can't breath and my whole body is shaky when I'm finished.  I practiced rope dart for a bit after and went to get a well needed snack.  When I got back I went to the changeroom to wait for our I Ho Chaun meeting.  There was a Sifu practicing kicks in there while she waited for the same meeting.  I know I should've been doing the same thing but I just sat there and watched.  I didn't want to move a muscle.  In fact all I could think of was a nap.  When she was done we discussed pushups and situps, I told her that I was only doing 20, I couldn't do anymore.  She told me I could and gave me suggestions on different modified things that I could do since I'm having problems with my core not being strong enough yet.  I was only counting full pushups and situps because those are what counts during a fitness test.  I didn't know how it would look if I counted all these numbers but couldn't actually do the proper techniques in class.  What kind of modified situps and pushups do you guys count, if any?  I have problems staying straight and holding my core after 10 pushups, my back isn't strong enough yet, nor are my shoulders.  Also crunches and situps are a problem, again they hurt my back as well.  I also need tips on how to keep breathing properly during fitness class.  I try to breath slowly and into my diaphragm but I still end up taking shallow breaths and not get enough oxyjen.

Anything suggestions you have are appreciated.  I want to get to 75 of each a day before next meeting AND I want to LOG them!

Why Kung Fu?

I often wonder why I keep going to kung fu.  I wondered that again last night after doing a fitness class that made me re-taste my dinner.  It wouldn't be so bad if I felt like I did a great job but hearing everyone around me count 49-50-51-52... while I'm doing twwoooo *wheeze* threeeee *gasp* foouur *bigger gasp*... I consistently feel like the slow kid in the back of the class that no-one wants to partner up with, but we all know someone has to.  My life a few years ago was so much easier and alot less embarrassing.  So why do I keep going?  No idea, Maybe future black belt Lindsay will be able to tell you, maybe not.  Maybe I just like to torture myself.  Sigh...

Things Are Changing

I'm not remembering to log things, I'm only doing 20 pushups and situps per day if I remember.  I don't have rounds of sparring logged and haven't been remembering to work on my hand form...but I am changing from who I was 2 months ago.

There was a guy I've worked with for the past year.  He's always complaining, angry, cursing about everything and just someone in general that I avoided and couldn't be bothered dealing with unless I absolutely had to.  Over the past couple months I consciously decided to look him in the eyes, smile and say good morning or hello everytime I saw him.  About a month ago he started to smile and say hi back.  Within the past couple weeks he now stops to talk to me in my office or when he sees me on site.  I've learned alot about him.  His family is all back in Germany and he has been here alone for years to make money for them.  He's lonely.  I didn't realize such a slight change in my attitude would drastically change a work relationship that before was non existent.

Change is very hard and I struggle with being a better person everyday, but I'm a work in progress and will keep trying.

Just Me and My Buckleys

Well, this diet thing has been pretty easy the past 5 days since I was living off soup and tea.  I got hit pretty hard with a pretty bad head cold.  I couldn't breath for 4 days.

Honestly though for the April diet, I'm doing way better than anticipated.  I actually gave away ALL my Easter chocolate.  I'm not sacrificing chocolate completely but if its not conveniently in my cupboard, I won't be tempted to gorge myself with it.  I have to want it bad enough to travel to the store and buy it.  So far, I haven't wanted it that badly yet.  I've also been making smoothies in the morning.  The night before I put my frozen fruit in a Magic Bullet cup and the next morning it takes me 2 minutes to make my breakfast.  My new 2 minute breakfast actually allows me time in the morning to get in some pushups and crunches and I'm not waking up any earlier.  Yay Me!!!

Now that I got that part sorted out, I wish I can get myself remembering to log things.  I've even put my book on my coffee table, by my bed or carried it with me and I'm not remembering.  Sigh, I hope I get it eventually.

Anyway, if you want to try my smoothie, I put in one small cube of frozen spinach, equal parts of strawberry, blueberry and pineapple, one small package of Greek yogurt and fill the rest of the space with cranberry juice.

Have a good week!

I'm Getting Beat Up By My Sparring Gear

Hello All!  I sparred with my sparring gear for the first time last night.  It really hurt my feet, it felt like the bottom of my feet were being cut up, they weren't but it sure felt like it, and my toes kept getting caught and I thought I was going to break a toe.  Is this normal at first because I'm not used to it, or should I get new sparring gear?

One Foot In Front Of The Other

I was re-reading my posts.  I'm hoping they aren't coming across as negative.  I'm not trying to be, just trying to be as honest as possible.  I'm a very self aware, realistic person.  I know my strengths and weakness, right now I'm trying to work on the latter.  I woke up today and decided to do some pushups and situps, its amazing how much you regress when you skip a couple of weeks.  I struggled with my regular 20, sad, I know.  I know I'll get back into it now that I'll be back in class tonight.

I have also been working on the diet thing.  I'm an awful eater, hate to cook and will avoid it at all costs.  I'm starting off with the breakfasts and lunches and what I snack on throughout the day.  I have also told Josh, he will be taking half my Easter chocolate.  The thought is bringing a tear to my eye.  Me and chocolate are really good friends.  I've been bringing smoothies to work for me for breakfasts for a week.  I brought apples to snack on and I have a vinegar and oil dressing for the salads I'll be getting from the Subway across the street.  I also am taking my vitamins again.  I'm still struggling with the dinner thing, I cook for one and dislike being in a kitchen.  One thing at a time!

Here's hoping I can stick with all this...Even past April.

Back In Action

I will be back in classes tomorrow!  My company truck has been fixed, my personal vehicle is still patiently waiting in line.  You'd think being at home, I would practice lots since I'm not in class. Quite the opposite with me.  The less I'm at the Kwoon the less motivated I am to do anything kung fu related.  In fact, I looked at my numbers and didn't log a single thing.  I think this is a prime example of why staying engaged is so important, its so easy to detach yourself from training.  Now not only do I feel guilty for not practicing, I'm going to be all upset about the fact I'm behind again.  It's my fault and no one elses, I chose what to do with my time, now I have to deal with it and put one foot in front of the other.