Feel Like I Lost 5000 lbs

I ended last year pretty rough and started this one the same. Around October of last year I started feeling more tired, weaker and ran out of breath quicker, which was weird to me because I thought that I should be doing better, not worse, so I just assumed it was winter blues, I hate the cold. December was even worse. I struggled everyday to just stay awake and was having other issues as well so I made a doctors appointment. They thought I was anemic maybe had a problem with my kidney so I was sent for blood tests, urine tests and ultrasounds. During a second ultrasound for my abdomen the girl came in and told me to call my doctor immediately. I called my doctor and was told to come in the very next morning. I was told they found 4 masses on my liver and I needed to be rushed for a CT scan. I had about 6 different doctors appointments within a span of 2 weeks. My doctor thought it was possible that I may have liver cancer. I found out Friday at around 3pm that the masses look benign. *Huge sigh of relief* I still have to go for a MRI and get a biopsy done to confirm and figure out what these things are growing in my liver but I'm no longer considered an "emergency patient". I felt so incredibly light going to class Friday and having the worse case scenario lifted off my shoulders. I had explained the situation to Sifu Brinker so he knew why I had completely disappeared, but was uncomfortable talking about it with anyone else. The reason I'm sharing this now is because I know I'm ok and to tell you to TRUST YOUR BODY. If anything is unusual for you, talk about it to someone and get in with a doctor. Your body will tell you if it's not happy and you need to figure out why and not give up. Also, if people aren't showing up to class, don't assume bad things, sometimes things are just difficult to talk about. During these hospital visits my Mom's Dad had passed away too, so needless to say, life got in the way. Right now, because of the past couple months I feel I am a much more calmer, compassionate and empathetic person...I hope I can remember this the next time someone cuts me off in traffic. :) I'm still a work in progress...

So this year I'm off to a really slow start, but after yesterdays class and yesterdays good news I feel like I'm going to do way better for myself this year. I'm making deals everywhere with people to make myself accountable for my actions. I'm working on balancing my life to include those I neglected last year with my training. I will commit to my Monday and Wednesday classes (I'm going to get my blue belt this year!) and I will come to Fridays classes and Saturday meeting times but I may have to say no when it comes to some of the other stuff so I apologize in advance. I need to stick to my new schedule and keep a maintainable pace without neglecting everything else. I'm an all or nothing person and I want that to change. It definitely is all about balance and I want to focus on not having to many highs and lows this year. I will start posting my numbers starting with my next blog.

Congrats Sifu Csillag and Sifu Langner!

Best Chinese New Years banquet ever! It was my first banquet that inspired me to start kung fu and each year re-engages me to keep going. This was my favorite one yet! I think it's because I got to witness everyone's journey this year to a small degree. It made me feel so incredibly happy watching everyone get their very deserved promotions. I see now how hard it is and have a very deep respect for the process that I never would've had if I wasn't in the I Ho Chaun. I really love the group of people I spend this year with. You each helped me in some way, and I've never seen a like minded group like this filled with such positive intentions. I've gone from "I need to find another martial arts school closer to home" to "When can I move back to Stony Plain so I can be closer to the school?"

I feel the last couple months I missed out on alot. Unfortunately circumstances have made it so that I wasn't able to attend classes, I'm hoping this will change within the next month or so and things will be back to normal. Thank you Snake Team for teaching me so many things. I'll miss those that aren't on the team again this year and look forward to getting inspired by the members of the Year of the Horse.

Who Am I Now?

This is probably my last post as part of the Snake Team and I can't help but be a little reflective. This I Ho Chaun year has changed me in so many ways. I didn't fully complete many of the requirements but I see the benefit of starting to encorporate each one into my life. This year faced me with pretty much all my weaknesses and it was a difficult journey but well worth taking. I didn't realize how much time I wasted doing nothing but wasting away until this year. My diet was pretty gross when I think back on what I ate and I never really had any sort of sense of accomplishment, this year has been a little different.


Each requirement helped me in different ways. Having personal goals is a sure way of making sure I couldn't procrastinate and gave me a good kick in the rear to not keep putting things off. The pushups and situps helped with disciplining myself. The acts of kindness really made me face reality of the choices I make everyday and how I am impacting people. The logging showed my progress. The blogging shared my journey with others who may be facing the same issues and may be uncomfortable talking about it, therefore just maybe inspiring someone, that they can do this too. It was also a way to reach out to others when I couldn't say things face to face. Performing in front of others helped me to start allowing my body to react and use its muscle memory without allowing my mind to interfere. (This one is still a major work in progress) The kilometers got me off my lazy butt. The forms reps gave me a better eye for detail and allowed me to start feeling how my body moves. And, well the weapons form was just fun. By not being able to quit, I failed and started over many times but still slowly learned not to give up. It's simply a process to start changing your life for the better and you don't actually fail unless you stop trying. It's interesting too how I started adding more and different goals as the year progressed as I saw more things in myself I wanted to change. I still watch movies and some shows on Netflix but am learning how to knit so I'm not just rotting on my couch while doing so. I also started treating myself to manicures and pedicures on payday, I would never, ever do that before, but why not be nice to myself once in awhile.


I really enjoyed the group this year, I don't think that I've ever been around such a good group of people. I've learned so much from each of you and thank everyone who helped me along the way. I love the energy around the kwoon and like being there. I'm trying to convince Josh to move back to Spruce Grove when he's done school.


If you're reading this and think you can't do it, you can. If I can, you can. I was 30 when I started kung fu. Being older and out of shape has it's challenges but it's better than spending the rest of my life accomplishing nothing in front of a television.

Jedi Mind Tricks?

Well, I'm frustrated. Still haven't found out what's wrong with me. I think the biggest problem is that my doctor went on vacation and I saw another doctor who sent me for another series of tests and I still don't have an answer. It's probably something stupid and they'll give me a pill for 5 days and everything will be better. It would be nice to know what's going on with my abdominal/kidney area though so I can be done with it. My hip and knee have been acting up again too, especially the knee. Josh looked at it yesterday and said it was really swollen. How that happened? No idea. I've been doing absolutely everything suggested to me. Bought a new bed, bought orthotics, saw a chiropractor...How much does one spend before it's enough? Needless to say, lately I'm pretty cranky. I've been researching lately how the mind works. I've always thought that training your brain into manifesting what it is you want in life is a bunch of malarkey and quite frankly super positive people annoy me. (I'm really not a terrible person) But I've come to the conclusion that I need to be more open minded and maybe, just maybe bringing more positivity in my life won't be such a bad thing, we'll see. OPEN MIND! I'm unsure of how I decided to do the horse team. I had changed my mind a few times and was going to back out. I even had a letter written to Sifu Brinker that I was going to give him telling him I changed my mind again and don't want to do the I Ho Chaun the day I decided instead to just pay for it and keep the letter to myself. I guess I realized that this is good for me and I like you people. Lots of thing did change for me this year, and I definitely recognize the difference in myself and I guess I'm starting to like me a little. I can't wait to be back to regular classes. I felt really out of place watching from the sidelines on Saturday. Thanks to those who took a minute to come talk to me, it made me not feel so left out. The dragon dance looks fantastic and the demo is awesome. One day I'll be brave enough...Positive thinking right? We'll see how that goes.

Changing Bad Habits

You'd think after a year of I Ho Chaun I'd have a disciplined scheduled down pat. Heck no, I'm always forgetting to do pushup and situps, I rarely remember to log things and I just can't seem to get it together. This year I'm going to work on consistency, smaller, more realistic goals that I can maintain for the whole year so I don't spike and drop so much in my training. Right now I'm working on associating breakfast and dinner with vitamins and pushups and situps. It seems to take forever to break a lifetime of bad habits. One day I'll get this if I just keep trying.

It's Been Awhile

Haven't been to class and practices lately. Sorry. Most of it is due to being sick and really icy roads by my place. Although that's the main reason, if I'm honest, It's not the whole reason I haven't been motivated to go to practices. I do not want to be in the demo. I sort of feel like the only way to get away from it is to not show up. I was reassured I won't be put on stage if I don't want to be, but even practicing now during open training with all these extra people around makes me want to just leave. It's nothing anyone did, and I know everyone is just trying to help me with this fear and I know that intentions are very good by not wanting to make me feel left out, it's a personal thing. It was a giant step for me to even do my form in front of the I Ho Chaun group, but I'm not ready for anything beyond that yet. Yes, I feel bad, but I can't help it. I also understand that a lot of you have anxiety and fears about doing your forms in front of people too, and I admire you for being able to conquer that but I just plain can't right now, I'm just too much of a chicken I guess.

New Years Resolutions

Happy New Years everyone! Josh asked me yesterday if I had any resolutions. I said no, I'm in the I Ho Chuan, that's a big resolution itself. I guess if anything my goal is to do better with the physical stuff than this year. I feel this year was terrible for things like pushups and situps. I've stopped and started so many times, I didn't progress at all. I'm kind of in a valley right now with training. I'm having a really hard time doing pushups and situps at all, even modified ones. I've gone as far as I can go with anything in regards to public performances and I haven't been making my classes. I wish I could say when I'm not in class I'm practicing at home, but I'm not. I need that motivation that I get from being in the kwoon. I really need to change that this time around, I just have to figure out a way that works for me. I think we just may have to move back to Spruce Grove when Josh is done school.