What am I Going to do About it?

I've decided to force myself to feel better, it's going to be hard but the alternative is to keep getting weaker like I have been. I've missed alot of kung fu, alot from not feeling well and being so tired, and alot from being embarrassed about how out of shape I am now. I talked to Sifu Brinker and I'm going to attend the advanced class for a little while because it's earlier. At least this way I'm still learning kung fu and will follow along the best I can or practice at the back of the class. I will just have to go at my own pace until I'm ready to go back into my later class. I also got a personal trainer to help me gain some strength back. I told them I want to work on my core and shoulders so I can do more situps and pushups and I want to work on my endurance. They are going to start me off slowly. My intention is to go to the gym 3 times a week and start going to kung fu classes again as much as possible.

Josh and I also bought a whole bunch of frozen fruit and fresh veggies. My diet was slowly falling off the wagon but I'm back to fruit smoothies for breakfast and salads for lunch. I didn't even buy any Jalapeno Cheetos...even though I'm pretty sure they are the most delicious thing I've ever eaten. I even got a homemade tea made for me by Josh's friend who's studied herbology.

I hope I can keep up with my gameplan. I deleted Facebook off my phone, so I could dedicate the time I'd be wasting on Facebook, logging my numbers. I have the hardest time with that.

Wish me luck!

Well That's Embarrassing

So during Saturdays meeting frustration built up and I started to cry in front of everyone. How embarrassing. I don't cry in front of people so that's a first for me. I must've needed it.

The physical part of kung fu has been extremely difficult for me lately. 90% of me wants to just quit but what would that do for me. I'd end up rotting in front of my television. So I just have to keep going and do what I can. Lately I've been researching foods, watching documentaries and learning drum patterns for lion dance so one day I can do the drums. I've got a game plan to attend earlier classes when I can and if I can be patient with myself and not get frustrated at least I'll still be engaged with my training. I just need to accept the fact that I'm going to suck for awhile. I guess sucking for awhile is better than giving up and sucking forever. One day, I'll look at my numbers and be so proud of myself. Today is just not that day.

How I Am a Hyprocrite

I'm an animal lover. I have 3 cats, 3 bearded dragons and a snake. All rescued from unwanted homes. I would have a lot more too if room and money allowed me too. I love animals, I hate to admit alot more than people most days. I also eat meat, I see no problem with eating meat, but here's my dilemma. I made the huge mistake on researching where my meat comes from, it made me cry and absolutely sick to my stomach. I, like many others, liked to stay ignorant, imagining my bacon being picked from a bacon tree made me feel much better about what I was eating. I didn't imagine on what level many of these animals were being tortured simply to put meat fast enough on our grocery shelves. I won't go into gory details, but I can't claim to be an animal lover and continue to blindly shop for my food sources. I also can't imagine going vegetarian. What I can do, is be responsible. I can make sure these animals are having the best lives possible before being put down for human consumption. I will be researching farmers and making sure that I am not supporting something that is cruel and unnecessary. I urge you to do the same.

Sifu Lagner, I haven't checked your book the past couple classes, don't think I have forgotten about you.

Here's my accumulative numbers;

Pushups - 85
Modified Pushups - 1295
Tricept Pushups - 255

Situps - 135
Modified Situps - 480
Plank - 190

Miles - 96

Rounds of Sparring - 50

Lao Gar (the part I know)- 48
Ropedart - 46

Recorded Acts of Kindness - 78

My New Discovery

Oh my goodness I've made a new discovery FIRE ROPEDART. I'm pretty obsessed with watching Youtube videos about it. It's so cool. Think about it...The lights go out, Sifu Wetter, Sihing Krebs and Ms. Gibbons enter the stage with their firey ropes of doom. The blackbelt candidates have to make their way through this firey maze and escape while the blacklight dragon charges ferociously behind...

...Ok, back to reality...

I had my third San Shao class. It's still hard to force myself to go. I always feel bad for people who partner up with me since I'm the slow kid in class. Sifu Playter's knee injury doesn't allow him to spar much quite yet so he partnered up with me. He kept repeating similar strikes and kicks which allowed me to get my brain to calm down and start to figure out how to react to each thing. It started to help, by the end of the class I wasn't so frustrated. It's hard when I get different partners each round because they are all so different I don't get a chance to figure out what to do.

My week was pretty poor as far as numbers go, but I promised to post them so here are my accumulative numbers;

Pushups - 60
Modified Pushups - 1295
Tricept Pushups - 255

Situps - 135
Modified Situps - 480
Plank - 190 seconds

Miles - 82

Rounds of sparring - 50

Lao Gar (the part I know) - 36
Ropedart - 46

Acts of Kindness - 70

*I have to get much better at logging.

Rough Week

Had a rough week this week. The exhaustion is getting the better of me. Doctors say that my body is probably trying to fight the foreign growths in my liver, which is the probable cause of me getting sick so often and feeling tired so much, that, and an underactive thyroid (basically what was said but in more doctory terms). I can't wait until all the tests are over with in May so I can finally be treated. Getting pretty tired of feeling tired and weak. Apparently there's a mixture of things going on so a diagnosis is difficult. I get pains where I shouldn't be and no pain where I should be. I'm pretty mixed up. Didn't need a doctor to tell me that though. :)

I've been trying to work on the more mental aspects of the I Ho Chaun. I often am overcome by guilt, fear, frustration, and jealousy. When I can't do everything everyone expects me to do I feel guilty, even when I'm trying my best to balance my priorities. I really dislike having that nagging voice in the back of my head, it seems to always put a damper on whatever it is I've chosen to do. Fear has often lead me to completely avoid any situation that would cause me to feel it. Everyone from last year knows, I am very afraid of demos. I'm not sure why, I wasn't like that as a kid and nothing happened to cause it but it's there and it paralyses me. Now I'm more comfortable talking about it and learning how to deal with it and face it with little baby steps. I'm always frustrated with myself while practicing. My darn brain and body don't connect and combinations are my very worse enemy. Hence, starting San Shao, it's the class that will highlight every single one of my weaknesses, but if I can learn to just not become so frustrated with it, I'm sure I will get alot out of the class. I used to be jealous of people that were good at something I wanted to be good at. I actually don't feel that way anymore. I've realized people are good at something because they worked hard at it. They chose to practice instead of watching TV and I can make that choice too. Very often these people will help you and are happy to share their knowledge if you just ask. At least I've crossed jealousy off my list of negative thoughts.

I hope this blog makes sense, I get a little rambly sometimes.

As promised Sifu Lagner here are my accumulative numbers;

Pushups - 40
Modified Pushups - 1295
Tricept Pushups - 255

Situps - 135
Modified Situps - 430
Plank - 190

Miles - 74

Rounds of sparring - 44

Lao Gar (Part I know) - 26
Ropedart - 36

San Shao

I attended my first official San Shao class on Friday. The Sifu's and other students were great. I knew I wouldn't get hurt, but I didn't enjoy the class. The only reason I didn't enjoy it was because it's like someone asked me "What are the things you are the worst at in kung fu?"...and then made a class out of it. I need to keep my guards up, I need to use my feet, I need to use my hips, but for the life of me I can only remember to do one thing at a time and if I remember one thing I forget everything else. It's so frustrating when your brain knows it should be doing these things but your body just plain ignores you. I'm definitely going to have to force myself to go each week. Why bother? Because what if I can get better and never even tried?

On a positive note, I'm loving having people to practice ropedart with!

My accumulative numbers so far;

Pushups -40
Modified Pushups - 1175
Tricept Pushups - 235

Situps - 135
Modified Situps - 320
Plank - 165

Miles - 59.5

Rounds of Sparring - 44

Lao Gar (The part I know) - 22
Ropedart - 36

Recorded Acts of Kindness - 52

To Many Lemons to Make Lemonade

Well, I'm not going to lie, it's been pretty difficult to not to be depressed with all the personal crap I've been having to deal with lately. Seems like one thing after another. Sometimes I feel like I am being punished for trying to lead a healthier life. It would be so much easier to just give up and not even bother. When I start to feel to bad, I just try to make a mental list of all the things I have to be grateful for, or force myself to smile whether I like it or not. Seems to keep me from going insane so far.

Sifu Kichko, I owe you 500 modified pushups. I couldn't do them yesterday, I was really sick. I will do them as soon as I'm feeling better and post them for you.

Sifu J. Lagner - I forgot to bring my numbers when I watched class on Friday, so as promised, here they are;

Pushups - 40
Modified Pushups - 465
Tricept Pushups - 135

Situps - 115
Modified Situps - 210
Plank - 90 Seconds

Miles - 47.5

Rounds of Sparring - 9

Lao Gar (The part I know) - 16

Ropedart - 16

Recorded Acts of Kindness - 40

On a positive note: I read one book this week and I knit a washcloth, what I intended to be a washcloth anyway, looks like a piece of swiss cheese.