Congrats

Congratulations to the 3 new black belts! You all are inspiring in your own ways and I'm glad I got there on time to see your achievements. The banquet is always so motivating and I enjoyed your heartfelt speeches. All the best to all of you in the new chapter of your journey.

So Much Potential

The internet has so much potential to be such a positive thing. To be able to access so much information at your finger tips is pretty amazing. What many people are using it for, not so much. I'm constantly infiltrated with manipulative "news" articles. I don't know what I can believe anymore. It's very easy to manipulate someone into believing what you want them to believe, and it works. So many people take everything they see on Facebook as the real thing. I also see so much bullying on social media. The same people who would wear a pink t-shirt in support of anti-bullying, won't bat an eye at attacking someone in writing on a comments section. Recently I saw someone anonymously post about suffering from post partum depression and was asking for help on how to get past it. There were so many comments telling her she was using it as an excuse to be lazy or that she should quit whining and get over it or how she should get over it and be grateful. She was getting slammed. It made me so sad how many people will name call or just be plain rude about things they don't understand. If only people shifted the use of social media to educate each other, politely debate about different topics and spread real news. Now wouldn't that be wonderful? Wishful thinking I guess.

See you at the kwoon!

Am I ready to Roost?

I am coming up to my 5th year in I Ho Chaun. It's probably the only string I have left tying my to the school since not being around much the past 2 years and I am grateful for it. I have had a lot of challenges over the years and feel like even though my progress is slow, I'm still making progress, just in unexpected ways. 2016 started off with Josh and I getting into a car accident which ended up the last straw for me. My decision to go to school, move and get professional help for my anxiety issues stemmed from me feeling like I hit rock bottom and being overwhelmed with depression. Realistically speaking, I didn't hit rock bottom, it just felt like it at the time. I still had a roof over my head and the people I cared most about, but it was enough for me to make significant changes. Now, physically, I feel so much better, definitely NOT fitness wise, but I'm no longer feeling sick or in pain every day like I used to. Yay!

This year I need to focus on motivation and balance. I'm having a huge problem being motivated to do anything. When you're a big ball of anxiety like I was I kept busy all the time to get rid of all that access energy, now I don't seem to have that extra "push" and need to find different ways of motivating myself. I also need to start remembering my forms and getting back in shape. I think a lot of my personal goals will help me do that. If I can find the motivation, that is. I also need to maintain as much of a schedule as I can so I can do well at work, university, my relationships and kung fu. I have added time for each of these things in my calendar to help me re direct my thinking so I don't get so focused on one thing and have a healthy mixture of everything.

I look at people like Sihing Csillag and Sihing Chervenka. I have no idea how they do it. For Sihing Csillag to be able to be a wife, mother of 4 kids, work, and get through the I Ho Chaun. There's a prime example of someone who seems to be able to find balance. For Sihing Chervenka to be able to find motivation to practice after long work shifts and go through this program several times while on his own out on different work sites is beyond me. I don't think I'd be able to do that. I often see strengths in candidates year after year that I admire, and hope one day that I can be a good example for others who struggle like I do.

First, I need to work on being able to do one singular push up. My first IHC year I got up to 30 in a row, so I'm gunning to be able to do that again.

See you at the kwoon!

Caterpillar Tuxedos

I'm finishing off a final assignment and exam, then I'm on break until January. It really shouldn't take me so much effort to complete my courses but whenever I'm reading such boring material my mind completely wanders off. I think of things like, if I had to make a tuxedo for a caterpillar, where would the shirt end and pants begin? How many leg holes would I need? Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food? Could I write a screen play for a horror film using only finger puppets and still have it be scary? My aunt says she wishes she was a fly on the wall of my brain because she finds my thought process fascinating...Um...thanks. I'm just plain weird. I try to keep my weirdness to myself but sometimes it leaks out beyond my control. I'm a huge fan of Shel Silverstein poetry, he makes me feel not so alone. I guess what I'm trying to say is for me to concentrate on one thing takes so much effort. I can only be so self disciplined before I get distracted by something shiny. I had a meeting with Sifu Brinker and joined the rooster team. It's going to be a tough struggle with work, school and the I Ho Chaun, but I'm going to make a better effort to be a better team mate. I have to keep my mind on the right track.

See you at the kwoon!

See You One Day

http://www.obittree.com/obituary/ca/ontario/wasaga-beach/carruthers--davidson-funeral-home---wasaga-beach-chapel/thomas-gibbons/2770522/

The post is my brother's obituary. My family is asking for people to support the Canadian Mental Health Association. I'm hoping one day to be able to find a suitable charity and work with the Benevolent Foundation to help those with mental illness and support for those with suicidal thoughts.

Trying to Understand

I'm not really sure how to start this blog. I wish people were more open minded. If that were the case when someone is going through a difficult situation, maybe they'd feel more comfortable opening up. So many out there pretend they are ok, when they aren't, I've been there and I'm sure many of you have too. So many people don't want to talk for fear of being ridiculed. Then if they do decide to get help, often there is a 8 week waiting list to talk to a professional. There definitely needs to be more compassion in this world.

My youngest brother committed suicide last night...he jumped of the 14 story building where he resided in Ontario.

RIP
Thomas Ronald Gibbons

Update

We're finally settled into our new place. We are very grateful to have been given the opportunity to live in this condo. We step outside and are surrounded by trees, right beside us is Blackmud Creek and we are a very short walk to MacTaggart Sanctuary loop. The air smells amazing here. I hear at minimum 5 different bird songs as I leave my place in the morning and my one cat is obsessed with watching a squirrel that lives right in front of our place. We've named him Peanut.

I start school again very soon. I took a bit of a break due to moving. School's still quite a challenge, I have to work pretty hard, and there's a lot of self discipline required to do the condensed courses and succeed. Plus, work got busy again and I have to still do the same amount of work I was doing as a full time employee in 3 days a week. No wonder I'm mentally exhausted at the end of my days. The goal is to work really hard and be finished school by next summer.

With my hours getting cut and now going to school and Josh finishing school and not yet working in his field, things have been financially stressful the past year. I have to say though, I've learned the difference between need and want and have a different view of how to spend my money going forward. Once I am working full time again, I am going to focus a lot more on experiences rather than things. I look at all the crap I've needlessly accumulated in the past (like, seriously, who needs 30+ shirts?) and realize my favourite memories don't really lie in the stuff I have, but in the stuff I've done. Once work is stable for us, there's going to be a lot more doing things and a lot less buying things. For now though, there won't be much of either...stupid school...

...Still haven't made it to the Monday class...like I said I would...in February...I don't even know what to say about that...

Well, that's my life in a nutshell.

See you at the kwoon!