Struggling

I have to admit, I'm struggling getting back into a training routine. Other than random days where I don't feel well and minor normal aches and pains, I have no reason to not train. Most of you are way busier than I am. I feel so, so much better. I have no reason to not be doing my requirements. I love being at the kwoon and I'm excited to learn new green belt things. So what the hecks my problem? I did it before, I posted everyday with my numbers, I did at least something everyday and I did it while I wasn't feeling good, so why now that I'm so much better am I not doing anything? I seriously need to give myself a good kick in the pants.

Reverence For Life

I've always had a reverence for life, all life. I'm not sure where mankind developed the idea that it's ok to destroy other species without thought. I'm not saying everyone, I'm just saying as a collective, I witness this on a daily basis. It bothers me so much that ego has brought humanity to this point. I am constantly bombarded with horrifying images of sport hunting, poaching, factory farming and irresponsible pet ownership. It saddens me to tears sometimes. There's so much of it, can I even make much of a difference at all? How many people research where their meat or everyday products come from? I know I didn't. Do people realize there's a kinder way to eat meat or buy makeup and everyday cleaners? When we purchase products do we see what's behind the items on the store shelf we're purchasing? I definitely don't want to preach all the gruesome and horrifying facts, I'm not that type of person. However, people do need to be educated. I'm always walking a fine line between what divulge and what to keep to myself. The hard core animal activists just piss people off and that's not my intent. I don't judge anyone on their decisions and often wish I had not started researching certain things. But, I have, and for myself, I need to work on being a responsible human being. I know I'm not perfect, and may be even being a hypocrite and not even know it yet.

I doubt I'll ever be able to change the world, but I remember only a few months ago my coworkers stomping on spiders and me asking them a few times not to. Today I heard from my office, "LINDSAY, you better come quick or I'm gonna squish this ugly spider." So I ran over with my cup and took him to a bush outside. It's a small thing. I wonder if the spider even knows what his fate almost was, but to me, he's a life that is not up to me to decide to take without a second thought just because.

Maybe I'm just being over sensitive and sorry for the rant. It's just something that's been bothering me today more than usual. I do recognize that there are large groups of people fighting this very same thing, and there's many that do care. I'm just not sure it's enough. I just simply ask that you think about what you're buying.

A Good Couple Weeks

Attending classes regularly has been a lot of fun. I'm excited to learn my new forms and the rest of the green belt curriculum. Seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know Kempo 2 yet, even most of the orange belts know it. I sure missed out on a lot. I'm going to have to catch up. I think I can do it.

We had the Farmer's Day parade yesterday. It's always different seeing everyone outside the kwoon and getting to know everyone on a different level. I got to learn a bit more of Lao Gar from Sihing Chervenka in the field while we were waiting. I'm struggling with this form, but that's to be expected when you're doing a form that's meant for a higher level with stances you've never done. The left footed thrust kick seems to be messing me up the most. I've never been able to learn forms quickly. I can only grasp 2 or 3 things at most, anymore than that and you've lost me.

I also got to drum a bit. That was a fun and intimidating surprise, there were people around, that could hear me...sorry about your ears. :) I guess if you're a drummer, you have to get used to other people listening to you mess up and be able to continue. I really want to drum, it's my favourite part of lion dance, so obviously I have to learn lion dancing so I'll be able to empathize with what's going on with the lion and drum accordingly. I did some lion dance last year but haven't done any this year so far, I have to start doing that again to get caught up.

All in all it was a good day with good people. All things kung fu are going a lot better and I'm pretty happy about that.

So Good!

This is the first time in about 2 years I've been genuinely been able to say I feel GREAT! Absolutely nothing hurts! Woohoo! I'm so ready to do so many activities, however, I've been warned to take it easy for the next couple months while everything lines up and heals in my body correctly. Between diet and chiropractor I've been able to get myself so much better without continued use of prescribed medication. Sure, I'll still have bad days but who cares, I'll now have amazing ones too. I'm sure you guys are tired of hearing about this but it's been quite the struggle for me and I haven't had much else to talk about. I hope I haven't whined too much. Sorry if I did.

Now, I just have to work on getting back on a routine like I had the first year I started I Ho Chaun and attend classes regularly. It's tough to do that when everyone who started kung fu after you is a belt or two ahead and the belt levels behind you are in better shape than you are. There's always that feeling of frustration and intimidation and embarrassment, whether you like it or not. I've just got to keep in mind, I'm me, it's my kung fu and there's always going to be times I'll be sick or injured and be behind, but as long as I'm mentally strong enough to keep going, I'll still be ahead of the guy that quit or didn't try at all. Moving slowly is still moving.

Pandamonium was a lot of fun, I got a prime location in the shade and got to watch the dunk tank for most of the day. Seemed to be the biggest highlight. I didn't get to watch the Pandamonium game, but I'm sure the kids had fun. It's always a good day to meet people and catch up with other's that aren't in the same class as you.

I really like being on the I Ho Chaun team, even though the past while I haven't been the best participant. I'm pretty sure without it I would've given up a long time ago. You all keep me motivated and I appreciate those who took a moment to check on me.

Toodles!

Fat Armpits

I was taking my parents for dinner on Sunday and trying to find something nice to wear. Going through my wardrobe I was getting rather frustrated. Nothing fit! I walked up to Josh, looked him square in the eye and said, "I got fat armpits." He looked at me with that look that stated I've said something stupid. I know this look, I get it often. He looked at me and said, when you bought these clothes were you doing pushups? No... Well, you don't have fat armpits, you have upper body muscle you didn't have before and thats why everything is tight around your arms and shoulders... Awe yeah, I'm literally she-hulking out of my clothes...all 109lbs of me!

Last week was the first week I made it to all my classes I think in over a year. It was great, even greater getting to work with my old training partner Ms. Tomie. I was able to not get frustrated with myself and had so much fun. I hope I can keep it up.

Opposition

I've been receiving a lot of opposition the past couple years on how I'm deciding to live my life. I'm getting questioned about my diet, my lifestyle, the way I'm voting, how busy I am, etc. At first I was really uncomfortable about this. I felt it was nobody's business but mine. Now I'm starting to realize it's because I'm standing up for what I feel is right and doing things that aren't ordinary and people are noticing. Now, I'm happy to explain myself. Usually by the end of a conversation, if people don't necessarily feel the same way I do, they are able to at least see my point of view.

Waiting For Never

Illness and injury are something I've had to deal with for quite awhile now. I've been waiting to feel consistently better before going back to class, but realized recently, that'll never happen. There will be weeks I'll feel great, then weeks, not so much. The best I'll ever be able to do is manage symptoms by treating anxiety and monitoring my diet. It sucks having anxiety, it triggers my stomach issues much like my diet does. It tells my brain things are a much bigger deal than they are and it makes me want to quit things because I'm not good enough and get unneccessarily frustrated. It's a constant battle. I often think I have way too many issues to stay in kung fu, and maybe I do, but showing up to an I Ho Chaun class and feeling how positive the atmosphere is, reminds me how much I really like having that in my life. It's easier to hide under a blanket and not allow people to see you struggle. It's safe, but is that really living? My aunt recently passed away and I remember how she was when we were younger. She'd run around and play with us when we were kids. Then one day she lost control of her foot and drove into her garage door. It didn't take long before she was in a wheel chair losing control of her body and almost blind. MS did that to her very quickly, yet, no one remembers her ever complaining. She did the best she could with what she had. I will too. RIP Aunty Jeri.

See you at the kwoon.