Back on Track

I missed classes this week. I started my online course for ergonomics. I expected my research posts to be due on Sunday nights like all the rest of my classes, but they are actually due by Fridays so I scrambled to get everything sorted out and forgot about the rest of my life. Terrible really, since 90% of the time I'm doing school work I get distracted by Facebook and cat or baby panda youtube videos. I need to take breaks and practice a form or two instead or even do a few pushups. When did I get so lazy? At least I'm slowly getting back on track. See you Wednesday's class.

Yay Me!

Finally showed up to a Wednesday morning class. Finally! I was pretty stiff. couldn't do that side heel thrust very well, my hips just didn't want to open up so I definitely need to stretch, but that's minor, I can fix that. I was feeling all "I can do this" until...shoulder rolls. Why on earth I have never been able to wrap my brain around them is beyond me. I don't roll. I flop. Always have. I hate them. I hate them so much. They're my nemesis. I do not like face planting myself into the sweaty green mats very much. One day shoulder roll, I shall defeat you.
Good new though, I'm pretty sure I inspired some white belts. I mean, if I can get to green, they sure as heck can. :)

Hi Everyone

Yes, I'm still alive. I haven't been to terribly impressed with myself lately. I was reading through my blogs and I seem to be in the same boat and not making any changes in regards to kung fu. I've been so incredibly lazy with any spare time I have. Basically a sack of flesh staring at the TV or napping. I've also been so unreliable. This is not something I admire in a human being. Up until a couple years ago I made a great effort to ensure that what I did and what I said were the same exact thing. How do you earn anyones respect ever if this isn't the case. I've allowed myself waste way to much time. I've been talking myself into going to class, but still chicken out. When I tried starting kung fu again by showing up to the I Ho Chaun class in November I felt soooo awkward, so I just didn't bother showing up again. I know I need to take that leap and just deal with being a big ball of anxiousness for the first bit, I know I need to just do it, I know people think what on earth is the big deal?...I'm embarrassed about how out of shape I got. I know that's the ego talking and I have 2 choices, either stay the same or do something about it. Now I just need the courage to embrace the fact I suck, peel myself from my groove in the couch and go for it. Easy to say, hard to do.

Congrats

Congratulations to the 3 new black belts! You all are inspiring in your own ways and I'm glad I got there on time to see your achievements. The banquet is always so motivating and I enjoyed your heartfelt speeches. All the best to all of you in the new chapter of your journey.

So Much Potential

The internet has so much potential to be such a positive thing. To be able to access so much information at your finger tips is pretty amazing. What many people are using it for, not so much. I'm constantly infiltrated with manipulative "news" articles. I don't know what I can believe anymore. It's very easy to manipulate someone into believing what you want them to believe, and it works. So many people take everything they see on Facebook as the real thing. I also see so much bullying on social media. The same people who would wear a pink t-shirt in support of anti-bullying, won't bat an eye at attacking someone in writing on a comments section. Recently I saw someone anonymously post about suffering from post partum depression and was asking for help on how to get past it. There were so many comments telling her she was using it as an excuse to be lazy or that she should quit whining and get over it or how she should get over it and be grateful. She was getting slammed. It made me so sad how many people will name call or just be plain rude about things they don't understand. If only people shifted the use of social media to educate each other, politely debate about different topics and spread real news. Now wouldn't that be wonderful? Wishful thinking I guess.

See you at the kwoon!

Am I ready to Roost?

I am coming up to my 5th year in I Ho Chaun. It's probably the only string I have left tying my to the school since not being around much the past 2 years and I am grateful for it. I have had a lot of challenges over the years and feel like even though my progress is slow, I'm still making progress, just in unexpected ways. 2016 started off with Josh and I getting into a car accident which ended up the last straw for me. My decision to go to school, move and get professional help for my anxiety issues stemmed from me feeling like I hit rock bottom and being overwhelmed with depression. Realistically speaking, I didn't hit rock bottom, it just felt like it at the time. I still had a roof over my head and the people I cared most about, but it was enough for me to make significant changes. Now, physically, I feel so much better, definitely NOT fitness wise, but I'm no longer feeling sick or in pain every day like I used to. Yay!

This year I need to focus on motivation and balance. I'm having a huge problem being motivated to do anything. When you're a big ball of anxiety like I was I kept busy all the time to get rid of all that access energy, now I don't seem to have that extra "push" and need to find different ways of motivating myself. I also need to start remembering my forms and getting back in shape. I think a lot of my personal goals will help me do that. If I can find the motivation, that is. I also need to maintain as much of a schedule as I can so I can do well at work, university, my relationships and kung fu. I have added time for each of these things in my calendar to help me re direct my thinking so I don't get so focused on one thing and have a healthy mixture of everything.

I look at people like Sihing Csillag and Sihing Chervenka. I have no idea how they do it. For Sihing Csillag to be able to be a wife, mother of 4 kids, work, and get through the I Ho Chaun. There's a prime example of someone who seems to be able to find balance. For Sihing Chervenka to be able to find motivation to practice after long work shifts and go through this program several times while on his own out on different work sites is beyond me. I don't think I'd be able to do that. I often see strengths in candidates year after year that I admire, and hope one day that I can be a good example for others who struggle like I do.

First, I need to work on being able to do one singular push up. My first IHC year I got up to 30 in a row, so I'm gunning to be able to do that again.

See you at the kwoon!

Caterpillar Tuxedos

I'm finishing off a final assignment and exam, then I'm on break until January. It really shouldn't take me so much effort to complete my courses but whenever I'm reading such boring material my mind completely wanders off. I think of things like, if I had to make a tuxedo for a caterpillar, where would the shirt end and pants begin? How many leg holes would I need? Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food? Could I write a screen play for a horror film using only finger puppets and still have it be scary? My aunt says she wishes she was a fly on the wall of my brain because she finds my thought process fascinating...Um...thanks. I'm just plain weird. I try to keep my weirdness to myself but sometimes it leaks out beyond my control. I'm a huge fan of Shel Silverstein poetry, he makes me feel not so alone. I guess what I'm trying to say is for me to concentrate on one thing takes so much effort. I can only be so self disciplined before I get distracted by something shiny. I had a meeting with Sifu Brinker and joined the rooster team. It's going to be a tough struggle with work, school and the I Ho Chaun, but I'm going to make a better effort to be a better team mate. I have to keep my mind on the right track.

See you at the kwoon!