Moving Forward

5 year ago Lindsay would have definitely made fun of today Lindsay. I can't believe how much has changed for me over the past few years. What I like to do is different, my eating habits are different, the people I surround myself with are different, seems like everything is different. With so much change comes alot of insecurity and uncertainty. I've been so unsure of myself the past while but I'm sure as I adjust that will change. I felt so incredibly awkward trying a vegetarian restaurant for the first time. It turned out to be delicious though and we've been back to Cafe Mosaic on Whyte ave a couple times now. I've also found a farm that seems to ethically treat their animals. I looked into all their certifications and talked to the farmer and was invited to come visit the farm. I'll be going this spring and will let you know what I see and find. If what they say is true, I'd be ok with buying meat and eggs from there. For now though, I suppose I'll stick with lettuce. :)

I've been trying to use more natural products too and found some really good shampoo and conditioner. I've been using it for the past few months. Here's the problem. I've been sneezing quite a bit, feeling run down and my nose has been running. I thought I was allergic to vegetarianism. Turns out Argan Oil and Shea Butter is used quite a bit in "natural products". These are nuts! Who knew? Nuts I am allergic too, not vegetables... I guess I'm out of excuses to not eat broccoli.

I still haven't been able to regularly attend classes which sucks, but I'm working on it. I got my greenbelt though, which was a surprise. I thought that I was still pretty far away from getting it. I never feel ready for anything though, so it's a good thing I don't grade myself. I'd still be a white belt if that was the case. I'm a work in progress.

See you at the kwoon!

Hmmm...

I was reading some team member blogs and it was strange because it was like they were in my head. The first one was Mr. Smid's. I too am wondering if I should be on next years team. I'm struggling with making it to classes and with motivating myself at home. I also heard we were doing dragon dance this year, which made the butterflies in my stomach want to jump through my throat. I'm no good at dragon dance!!! I recognize how much I have changed over the past couple years but still have huge doubts about taking on a 3rd year. I know how disappointing it can be to have team members not be reliable for things when as a team you're working so hard to reach a goal. I felt the impact of that when trying to have enough people for a double dragon dance when I was on the dragon team a couple years ago, and never having enough people show up. It was really disappointing and I never got better because we were always starting from scratch, so I hate being an unreliable team member myself. Which I am. Plus the hatred and unrelenting fear of public demos. I know I've been told I don't have to do one, but there's still that feeling of having a giant, blazing "L" on my forehead.

The second blog was Sifu Kichko's. You can read her blog and pretend I wrote it. Plus, I am a loner by nature and don't like being around large groups of people. Nor do I go out of my way to meet people so I find when I actually meet someone I have something in common with I'm so excited to share my thoughts, I don't listen as I should and interrupt alot. I need to stop doing that. There are so many things I could learn if I could just keep my mouth closed.

I do recognize that there are good things happening too by being part of the I Ho Chaun. I remember sharing the first year how I could never stop my brain and live in the moment. Well, it's starting to happen now. With alot of practice, I have been noticing how beautiful the world truly can be around me when I take a moment to breath. I believe if I keep training my brain, my life will become alot more peaceful. It's still a struggle, but such a wonderful thing when I can notice how gorgeous the glittery snow on the trees can be rather than focusing on whether or not I'm going to be late for work. My practice is starting to pay off.

Well, those are my random thoughts on a Friday lunch break. See you at the kwoon.

Combinations

Obviously combinations are something I struggle with since I keep mentioning it. Last class I got some good feedback and was able to figure out that one of my biggest problems is my kicks. I tried practicing a few on my own and I definitely don't maintain control. I figured out that balance was a major part of it. I lose balance so I just want to put my foot down as fast as possible which makes for a pretty sloppy combination. I need to work on that. There's a yoga class that is dedicated to hip strength and flexibility on Sunday mornings so I'm going to try to attend that as much as I can in hopes it helps with this. I guess we'll see what happens. I'll keep working on it. I shall conquer you red stripe!

Kindnesses

I had my parents and one of my brothers over for Christmas dinner. It was really nice to see them. My mom lives a little over 2 hours away so I don't see her as much as I'd like to. We had a good conversation about acts of kindness. My family started talking about some of the things they like to do. There were things like acknowledging cashiers by name, thanking people, opening doors and my brother was going to make up a couple plates with our leftovers for a couple homeless people that live by hiw place. I was also able to answer some questions they were asking because of the conversations we've had during our meetings. It was nice to have this talk with them because most of the time people tell me I've become to busy and need to relax more. I think that if that's what the people in my life are seeing then I have to make more of an effort to include them. It makes sense that before you change the world, you first have to change yourself.

Obviously by my lack of posting, I fell off of track with my requirements during the Christmas chaos. It's difficult being so transparent with what I'm doing or not doing because everyone clearly knows where I'm failing. It can get pretty embarrassing publicly failing all the time. I guess that's what keeps me on track.

No change health wise. I have good weeks and bad, still waiting for my March specialist appointment. One thing for sure is that I clearly cannot drink milk. Cheese and yogurt seem ok, but apparently milk is a definite no. Which seems really odd because I didn't seem to have any change or an immediate problem with it months ago when my doctor told me to try and eliminate dairy for awhile. I am a mystery.

See you at the kwoon.