Brain vs Body

I was really sad to have missed the banquet last night. I've gone for the past 5 years and always find it so motivational. I always love the blackbelt ceremony and feel so happy for the people who worked so hard to finally earn it. Congratulations Sifu Tymchuck and Sifu Becket!!!

The past year has been a real struggle for me. I've missed work, occasions with family and friends and a lot of kung fu. Patiently waiting for doctors appointments have been beyond frustrating and trying to stay positive becomes darn near impossible some days. I miss out on things a lot. My new family doctor is pretty sure I have IBS which has some pretty embarrassing and unpredictable symptoms. I'll know more for sure when I have my specialist appointment. I turn red talking about it, in fact I'm pretty embarrassed just typing this. Things like stress, anxiety and diet can make the symptoms worse, and me being a naturally high anxiety person can make it pretty bad. I've been told I can be put on a mild anti depressant which has been proven to numb the pain in the abdomen but I'm determined not to rely on such a thing. I've basically been super conscious of what I'm eating to eliminate trigger foods and trying to reduce stress. Problem is, this causes stress, so it's kind of like a never ending circle of suck. I've been lying to people to get out of dinners with them because I don't really feel like explaining why there's barely anything on my plate and it bothers me a lot because I'm not a liar. I guess as I figure this out things will get easier, but for right now I spend a lot of nights in tears because I just want to feel better. The only reason I'm writing this blog is so now you know that when I'm not in class, it's definitely not because I've got something better to do and when you ask how I'm feeling and I seem like I'm blowing you off, I'm not, I'm just not wanting to lie to you because I'd really rather not talk about it because it's embarrassing. Now you know, if you didn't before, even if you didn't want to know, you do.

Anyway, enough of that. Still thinking if I actually want to publish this. Lets talk about something else.

I started something called Organic Box. I have a huge dislike for most vegetables and figured this would be a good way for me to try more of them and learn more about what kinds of different vegetables there are and how to cook them. So far I've received one order. The food looks a lot duller and less shiny than it does in a grocery store without all the chemicals but it's way more delicious. Plus, this has been forcing me to try to cook different things because I've spent my food budget so I'd better eat what's in my fridge. I made baked potatoes the other day with a bit of cheese, garlic and broccoli and it was delicious. Yep, I actually ate something with broccoli and enjoyed it. Plus the company focuses on local farmers which I love that my money is going to go back into the community and they support ethical treatment of animals. I find it a bit pricey. It's more farmers market prices than grocery store prices but I'm thinking it will balance out because I'm not walking down Superstore's aisles hungry after work adding a whole bunch of stuff I don't need in my cart. Josh also really seems to be enjoying having farm fresh milk and eggs in the house. He seems to like it too which is a win.

Anyway, I'm hoping the year of the sheep goes a lot better than the year of the horse did. I am a sheep, so it better!

See you at the kwoon.