Waiting For Never

Illness and injury are something I've had to deal with for quite awhile now. I've been waiting to feel consistently better before going back to class, but realized recently, that'll never happen. There will be weeks I'll feel great, then weeks, not so much. The best I'll ever be able to do is manage symptoms by treating anxiety and monitoring my diet. It sucks having anxiety, it triggers my stomach issues much like my diet does. It tells my brain things are a much bigger deal than they are and it makes me want to quit things because I'm not good enough and get unneccessarily frustrated. It's a constant battle. I often think I have way too many issues to stay in kung fu, and maybe I do, but showing up to an I Ho Chaun class and feeling how positive the atmosphere is, reminds me how much I really like having that in my life. It's easier to hide under a blanket and not allow people to see you struggle. It's safe, but is that really living? My aunt recently passed away and I remember how she was when we were younger. She'd run around and play with us when we were kids. Then one day she lost control of her foot and drove into her garage door. It didn't take long before she was in a wheel chair losing control of her body and almost blind. MS did that to her very quickly, yet, no one remembers her ever complaining. She did the best she could with what she had. I will too. RIP Aunty Jeri.

See you at the kwoon.

High Hopes

I seem to be feeling much better and for the last couple weeks my knee has been cooperating. I don't want to get my hopes too high but I should be able to be back in classes full time. I'm going to have to take it easy though and know my boundaries so I don't overdo it. I'm pretty nervous. I'm so used to being at the back of the class but now, going back to my class I'm in the front so I seem to put pressure on myself to do more than I should be. I'm going to have to not put pressure on myself and just do what I can and be ok with it. It's better I take my time. I start at a gym with a pool in May and will be doing a lot of exercises in water to build back strength without putting stress on my joints. Sifu J. Lagner gave me the idea and my doctor thinks it's a great idea. So slow and steady I should be back in a regular routine.