Half A Step In

As the time for me to meet the program coordinator for the U of A came closer, panic set in. I've been out of school so long, am I going to be able to do this. I mean, my grammar is terrible and I don't remember math and basic chemistry. I paced back and forth, my heart racing wondering if I should even bother going. After 4 hours of pacing I figured, what did it hurt, I wasn't registering for anything yet just by going to this appointment. So, after getting off the lrt a stop early with the intention of turning around to go home and getting lost into what I felt was a giant cornfield maze, I stumbled forward and made it to my appointment. I got the course times, got the prices, got the register info and got a copy of the syllabus for the first course I'd be taking. Low and behold, what do I see? A graded class P.R.E.S.E.N.T.A.T.I.O.N...I could feel my heart jump through my throat. Oh. Heck. No! Better yet, it was scheduled for my birthday. Well, sadly, I chickened out and didn't register for the course. Dissappointed in myself I found the next class I can take which starts February 23rd. I'm going to force myself to go back and just do it. No chickening out this time. Regardless how terrifying this is for me.

This will work with my kung fu schedule as well. My initial class would be Tuesday and Thursday evenings, but only until March. 31st, after that, my courses would mostly be on Saturdays and Sundays or online at my own pace. Which means I'd be available for Monday morning classes and Thursday evening I Ho Chaun classes.

I hope I can do all this.

Here We Go...

The last year and a half haven't been much fun. I was getting tested for cancer, in and out of hospitals with crazy stomach pains, diagnosed with anxiety and depression, laid off twice once right before Christmas and 10 days ago got t-boned, ended up with whiplash and still don't have a vehicle. So what to do? Curl up under a rock and hide? I'm not going to lie, I wanted to and did in fact spend months and months not venturing out into the world unless I absolutely had to. I realize I can't live life like this and am working really hard inside my head to change things.

So here's what I've done so far;

I joined the monkey team. Even though I haven't really been to kung fu, I still need the team to ground me. Even showing up when I can to watch class or take part of the meetings helps. I like you people and you can't get rid of me.

I am also going to university...EEP!!!! I am so scared about this...like I want to vomit on my shoes scared... I've been out of school since 1997. Since I got layed off and am now only working part time, I have the option of going to the U of A part to full time and the classes work around my work schedule and I already got the funding. I just need the bravery.

Now, how on earth am I going to make this work? Seriously? How?...not rhetorical...any advice would help. Work, school, I Ho Chaun...Am I mental? Well, I guess my previous blogs answer that one but for the first time I'm jumping in with both feet without months of preparation. I'm a planner, not a doer, other people do and I live vicariously through them. Heck, I don't even know if I'll be able to pay the bills...seriously...I may have to move in with one of you. I hope you like cats. And, skateboarding from Edmonton to Stony Plain may be my only option to get to a class. I should probably learn how to skateboard.

Ready or not, here I come.