Hello Everyone!

Monday and Tuesday are normally the days I update my blog from work on my lunch break.  I'm currently getting my safety program audited and unfortunately don't have time to write much.  My work truck will be fixed this Thursday and should be able to attend regular classes again next week.  I just wanted to wish you all a good week and Happy Easter!

Ropedarts and Furniture Don't Get Along

Didn't make it to class last night, my work truck still hasn't had the engine checked and I don't want to get stuck on the highway at 10pm during the week.  Fridays and Saturdays should be ok, if I get stuck it's earlier on the weekend and people will be more willing to come grab my stranded butt.  I tried to learn something new with my ropedart and successfully knocked over a stack of books and a lamp.  Probably shouldn't practice ropedart inside anymore if I want my damage deposit back.  I think I've got the gist of it though and will try again during practice on Friday.  This snow really needs to melt.

Have a good weekend!

Acts of Kindness

I cannot believe the internal dialogue going on inside my head since starting I Ho Chaun.  1000 Acts Of Kindness, easy peasy right...Well, not if you are actually looking at all the times you could be kind but aren't.  It's easy to open a door for someone when they're right behind you, but when you consciously look around at the world and see all the things you don't do, it's hard to feel like your that good of a person at all.  I'm trying to break that habit of being a judgemental do gooder.  It's hard to want to do nice thing for someone you feel doesn't deserve it or if you're in a hurry.  It's easier to be a jerk and not let that guy with the annoyingly loud hip hop music in front of you in traffic or give that mom with 5 screaming children a dirty look or get mad at that person that walks through that door you opened for them without even acknowledging your existence.  I'm trying hard not to get angry about people not saying thank you, I'm well aware that I'm only harming myself but it's easier said then done.  I've learned that I'm especially not nice when I'm in a hurry so I've made a decision to give myself 15 extra minutes to do anything I need to do.  It's the easiest, most difficult challenge I've ever done.  I'm not sure I like trying to be a better person.

A Waste of a Week

Well...I'm going to be honest here.  Last week I didn't make it to any classes.  The first part of the week I'm not sure what was wrong with me but I could barely stay awake and was in bed by 7:30 at the latest.  The later part of the week, I didn't have access to a vehicle that would've been ok to drive in the weather we had.  I'm still waiting for my tax return to fix my own personal vehicle. 

Missing class, I should've practiced, but did I?  No.  I was tired, and couldn't for the life of me motivate myself to move from the couch.  I often have problems motivating myself on my best days.  It seems that if I have a place to go like the kwoon, I'm ok.  Ask me to do stuff at home and I'll find a million other things to distract me or a million reasons why I can't.  I think because of this, any time I miss a class I will post here as to why I was gone and what I practiced at home instead.  If I don't have a good reason, at least this way I'll feel pretty stupid posting a lame excuse like I felt like watching Walking Dead DVDs instead.  I am trying, but I'm not doing the best that I can right now, I can do better.  I need to make better choices, old habits are hard to break.  I'm starting to feel guilty now when I'm not there.

Just so you guys know, I won't be making it to class tonight, hopefully this will be the last one I miss.  I will practice my forms at home and attempt to make my new ropedart.

Yes Sifu!

Does anyone else accidentally say Yes Sifu and bow when someone asks you if that makes sense?  Or is it just me?  I'm pretty sure there's alot of people out there thinking I'm missing some brain cells, including my first aid instructor.  Oops!

Hi, My Name Is...

We had our first meeting as the Snake team.  I felt pretty awkward.  Everyone was taking their turns sharing their progress so far and all I could feel was my face heat up and my palms getting sweaty as I patiently waited my turn.  As you guys probably guessed, words tend to fall out of my mouth when I'm nervous with no thought of trying to form a cohesive sentence.  I've always been like that.  The faster I talk, the more nervous I am.

I'm still not sure where I fit in.  I'm pretty low on the food chain and am uncomfortable asking for help because I don't want to bother anyone.  I guess as time goes, I'll find my groove.

I'm trying to learn patience with myself right now, easier said than done.  The frustration keeps setting in as soon as I can't immediately do something, but I'm learning.  It'll be a slow process.

Have a good week Snake Team!

Black Belts are People too

Reading blogs and being more open with others in the kwoon has made me start to realize I'm not alone.  Many of the fears and struggles I am having are shared among many others.  I am not the only one on the verge of vomiting at the thought of public performances.  I'm not the only one that struggles with injuries, doubts and many other obstacles that interfere with training and getting better.  It's still really hard to deal with but talking about it helps a little.  I'm still embarrassed to try new things with my ropedart in a room full of experienced martial artists, I'm hoping I get over that.  I really want to try a neck wrap but am nervous that someone may be watching and I turn into a big chicken.  I hope I don't turn red and pass out the first time Sifu Brinker asks me to show him something.  Eek!

One Small Victory

Well, since starting I'm doing miserably with tracking things. I'm not writing what I'm doing down.  I'm going to have to try a few different techniques to make me remember.  Maybe set an alarm or something.  I'll keep trying until I find something that works for me.
 
I've also been noticing how many mistakes I've been making with my forms.  I'm not even doing bow stances right and can't seem to land in a proper one.  It's like as soon as I learn one new things, other stuff falls out of my head.  I'm starting to get frustrated again.  Learning the orange belt curriculum and doing I Ho Chuan is alot of kung fu for me and it's taking me awhile to get into the swing of things.  I'll get it eventually.  I'm hoping one day I'll wake up and all of a sudden things will just click.

One awesome thing happened on Saturday though,  I actually learned to do something with my rope dart!  It was the best feeling ever.  I was so into it, I didn't even notice that there were people around, which allowed me just to learn without feeling awkward or embarrassed.  I hope I can zone in like that again so I can keep learning new things.  I really didn't expect rope dart to be so physical though, I knew it would be hard getting the coordination but I got home and my shoulder hurt alot and underneath my arm was all black and blue.  I hope I can learn more things and that it'll be all worth it.