It's been a mixed bag of a week. I'm not very good at maintaining my requirements. I tend to allow genuine reasons become an excuse for me to get nothing done and be lazy, when in actuality, there's always something I could do. I don't remember to log either. I've tried blogging my numbers, carrying a piece of paper, making notes on my phone, nothing worked. I have to be accountable to other people, because if it's just me I procrastinate until a month or 2 go by and I realize I've done nothing. The past week, posting my numbers on the UBBT chat has made me consistently do some requirements every single day this week, and I think that's the first time ever. It's also more fun for me that people joined in and we can challenge each other with little kindness challenges and support each other. I think I've found a way finally that works for me.
My heart stopped when I realized everyone was doing their forms in class. I felt myself becoming as small as possible and making my way to the changeroom. I wish I wasn't that scared. It sucks, but I'm just not ready for that mountain quite yet.
I enjoyed San Shao class. It was fun and I wasn't frustrated. I usually just stand there frozen, not knowing what to do when sparring, but I learned some things and got to practice them. A huge weakness for me is combinations and sparring, so one of my goals this year was to work on that and make my required numbers.
Sometimes I think when your in a rut, the only answer is to force your way through and find a way to just do it.
I really think you should approach your forms the same way you are approaching Sanshou. Just do it. Does it matter that your form is not perfect? No. The more you overcome your fear and do it in front of the class (remember we are there to help) the easier it will get.
ReplyDeleteJust like challenging yourself with your numbers, you should start performing your form. How about I will ask you to show me your form every time we meet at the kwoon? Is that a deal?