Keep Going...

My favorite moments in kung fu have been when I've stuck around for 5-10 minutes after class. Sometimes you have the greatest conversations with people that help put things in a different perspective for you. I find it very useful to learn other people's thoughts of me because when you're clouded by your own brain, its hard to see your own strengths and weaknesses sometimes and it gives you a different view of what you may need to change. I seem to find it very easy to see my weaknesses and focus to much on them. I need to find a reasonable balance. Sticking around you also get to witness some pretty cool things. Yesterday Sihing MacDonald put up some milk jugs full of water and chopped them up really good with a sword. A few other people tried too. I wasn't so brave, I've hurt myself with a butter knife and knew better than to touch a sword.

I went in Friday with the full intention of quitting San Shao. After sitting and talking with Sifu Playter for awhile I'm going to give it a little longer and use it more as a tool for learning to curb my frustration and anxiety rather than worrying so much about the sparring part. He's also agreed to be my steady partner for sparring again. I think this will make me feel more comfortable taking a break when I get overly anxious and slowing it down alot because he understands what my issues are. I'm also hoping more students show up to participate so that there's more people working on their stuff so I don't feel that my awkwardness is highlighted.

Lion Dance I'm not enjoying so much. It's not that I don't like it at all, it's that I don't like that I feel like I'm slowing down the person that's partnered up with me. I just don't get it. The head feels so huge and unmanageable, my feet and hands don't do what they are supposed to do and my goodness does my back ever hurt being hunched over so much. How does one get everything coordinated together and why is everyone else picking it up so much faster than me? I like watching way better than participating. I keep watching the drums and trying to learn the rhythms. I'm going to be a drummer one day. I'm not sure I'm built or coordinated enough to be in a lion.

So I guess I'm still in a rut, but I know once I get through it I'll come out a better person...I hope.