Oh Bother!

I'm not sure how to write this blog without sounding complainy. I've been in pain quite a bit for almost a year. I do have weeks here and there where it goes away, but it's not seeming to last very long. Sometimes I think I have a solution, but then, nope, no such luck. I'm really frustrated with the medical system, apparently if you don't have cancer, nobody cares about helping you find out what's wrong. Between my side, my knee, my hip, my back, there's just no break in between and kung fu is the last thing I want to do. I don't even want to talk to anyone anymore because I don't want to answer questions such as "why weren't you here" and "why are you on the bench again". I'm tired of hearing my own voice complain about my ailments when I know so many people have it so much worse. Then there's the added pressure of trying to do everything to keep up with everyone else. I know I'm not supposed to worry about things like that, but I do especially when working with a partner and when I constantly feel like I'm embarrassing myself, why would I even want to bother. I seriously wish I could just feel normal for a little while. I finally acknowledged that I have become quite depressed dealing with my situation and it's snowballing into me not wanting to do anything that I used to enjoy. I sleep alot and have got super emotional which isn't like me. It took a few other people to notice it before I could even admit that I now have a bigger problem. I guess I have to push through it and keep hoping I find a doctor who can help. I haven't been doing my requirements. I think I may have to start doing a little and posting them everyday so I don't totally fall off the map. I'm stuck in a vicious circle, I can't seem to get out of.