No Belts. No Bowing. No BS.

So the title of my blog was a slogan for a "martial arts" school that popped up on my Facebook feed. "No Belts. No Bowing. No BS." In a society where everyone seems to get offended easily, not much offends me, but this did. How is bowing that takes me literally 2 seconds to do BS? Bowing and showing respect to those who have worked hard to achieve the rank of black belt. Bowing to show respect to the current and past masters. Bowing to show respect to people that give hours selflessly to make me a better person and teach me. Bowing to show respect to the school and training area. Bowing to show respect to the other students. IT TAKES 2 SECONDS! It probably shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did. I wanted to respond to this post, but I know my response would've been more out of emotion than my knowledge of the history of kung fu, so I left it alone.

Hi!!!

I've made so many improvements to my physical and mental well being I can finally say I am pretty darn content. Happy even for the most part. I sank deep into a negative head space for quite awhile before I was able to get where I am now. Finally accepting things I was unhappy with and doing something about them has driven me to help others. Suicide and severe depression are very real things. I have been directly affected by both and feel the need to help others suffering. Generally speaking, you won't know someone is to that point. There are several signs that someone is not doing well that can help you know when to reach out. Withdrawing from activities that someone used to love. Being suddenly unreliable. Poor hygiene. Sleeping a lot. Constantly being negative. It isn't the same for everyone, but if you notice a loved one behaving differently, reach out and even ask the person for coffee in hopes they open up to you. It's a very lonely feeling and quite embarrassing for most people to talk about. I can speak personally about the withdrawing and becoming unreliable as that is what I tended to do when I needed help the most.

I recently have started journalling and logging my numbers again. I have one week left with the learn to run running group before I start with the 5km group. I was asked to be a group leader for the new learn to run group starting in a couple weeks. Way out of my comfort zone, but I have accepted as it is a very small group and it'll be good to keep me accountable. I stand by the fact that I still hate running, it hurts and I can't breath, but man does it feel good when I'm done. Plus, 8 weeks ago, I couldn't even run 1 minute and this past run I did 2 10 minute intervals, so I definitely see progress even though I still feel like I'm dying. I may be being slightly dramatic.

I still have yet to make my kung fu classes due to some important personal issues I'm dealing with, but it is my next priority and as much as I'm anxious about it, I look forward to having regular attendance again.

See you at the kwoon!

So Random

We had tickets for the Calgary Zoo which expire soon so we figured we'd go on Saturday since it was going to be so beautiful. I try to look for opportunities to be nice to strangers even though I'm still uncomfortable doing so. When in the penguin exhibit I saw a couple trying to take a photo of themselves with their super adorable toddler. I went over and asked if they'd like me to take the picture for them. They guy looked at me and asked if I went to Silent River Kung Fu. I looked at him oddly and said yes. He said he went there too but had to leave a couple years ago as an orange belt for knee surgery and told me how he's been thinking about coming back. We chatted briefly and I told him I just started back again and encouraged him to do the same. I'm hoping he does.
How random is it that I try to do an act of kindness because of Silent River Kung Fu for someone who went to Silent River Kung Fu in Calgary in a penguin exhibit.

Howdy!

Finally feeling so much better. I'm not sure what happened but after starting to recover from my chest infection I kept feeling like I was choking on my own spit. Gross. Not sure how I got all this, it's not like I was licking the seats on public transit or anything. Anywho, I'm glad it's over. Now I just seem to have a never ending runny nose. I'm like the sick kid in class no one wants to sit beside.

I'm in a conflict and confrontation school seminar this coming week on Thursday and Friday, so I'm not sure if I'll make it to class. Good news is though, I get the summer off of school and just have one more course and seminar to go and I AM DONE. For now anyway, until I find a job with a company that will support my goal to write the government exam. Woo hoo!

I decided to join a running club. I'm not sure why. I hate running and clubs so what possessed me to join is beyond me. Seemed like a good idea at the time while I was bored and medicated, and Josh had a gift card from the running room he hadn't used so I went for it. Looks like I'll be running 3 times a week. I'm going to try to incorporate yoga back into my life too so I'm not getting too stiff. I feel like if I run 3 days a week, do an hour of yoga 2-3 days a week and kung fu classes Wednesdays and Thursdays, I'll get back into shape.

I'm pretty happy the way things in my life are shaping up. I may feel different about things after my first run though. I'll keep you posted.

OMG!!!!

I don't hardly ever use the term OMG, but I have to share this I'm so beyond excited. Josh's family is taking us to Maui for Christmas. I've never seen the ocean and am beyond excited. I will be done school by then and will get to have an actual vacation. I'll be there Christmas and New Years eve. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I'm at work, and had to share this news, I'm bouncing in my desk chair with anticipation.

Catch Up

An ear, throat and chest infection really through a wrench into my plans last week. I was finally starting a new routine and then kablamo...hello fever and congestion! I'm feeling so much better now. I didn't get to practice my stick form yet like I was hoping, but I did mental reps so I didn't forget it. I just learned it last class and I do not want to forget.
I went to physio today, the first time I left my place in 5 days, the therapist commented about how much strength I've seemed to have lost since last time she saw me and lectured me on getting back into an exercise routine. Yeah...I know...I have no excuses so I just hung my head in shame.
I am getting there though, I feel like I'm getting back on a really good track after being lost for awhile.
Anyway, thought I'd type out a quick blog before I start catching up on my school assignment. Ahem, we all know I'm probably going to watch a cat video or two before I get started. Who am I kidding? Mr. McKee, if you could somehow incorporate cats and pandas into your vlogs, you'd really be saving me a lot of time.

Back on Track

I missed classes this week. I started my online course for ergonomics. I expected my research posts to be due on Sunday nights like all the rest of my classes, but they are actually due by Fridays so I scrambled to get everything sorted out and forgot about the rest of my life. Terrible really, since 90% of the time I'm doing school work I get distracted by Facebook and cat or baby panda youtube videos. I need to take breaks and practice a form or two instead or even do a few pushups. When did I get so lazy? At least I'm slowly getting back on track. See you Wednesday's class.

Yay Me!

Finally showed up to a Wednesday morning class. Finally! I was pretty stiff. couldn't do that side heel thrust very well, my hips just didn't want to open up so I definitely need to stretch, but that's minor, I can fix that. I was feeling all "I can do this" until...shoulder rolls. Why on earth I have never been able to wrap my brain around them is beyond me. I don't roll. I flop. Always have. I hate them. I hate them so much. They're my nemesis. I do not like face planting myself into the sweaty green mats very much. One day shoulder roll, I shall defeat you.
Good new though, I'm pretty sure I inspired some white belts. I mean, if I can get to green, they sure as heck can. :)

Hi Everyone

Yes, I'm still alive. I haven't been to terribly impressed with myself lately. I was reading through my blogs and I seem to be in the same boat and not making any changes in regards to kung fu. I've been so incredibly lazy with any spare time I have. Basically a sack of flesh staring at the TV or napping. I've also been so unreliable. This is not something I admire in a human being. Up until a couple years ago I made a great effort to ensure that what I did and what I said were the same exact thing. How do you earn anyones respect ever if this isn't the case. I've allowed myself waste way to much time. I've been talking myself into going to class, but still chicken out. When I tried starting kung fu again by showing up to the I Ho Chaun class in November I felt soooo awkward, so I just didn't bother showing up again. I know I need to take that leap and just deal with being a big ball of anxiousness for the first bit, I know I need to just do it, I know people think what on earth is the big deal?...I'm embarrassed about how out of shape I got. I know that's the ego talking and I have 2 choices, either stay the same or do something about it. Now I just need the courage to embrace the fact I suck, peel myself from my groove in the couch and go for it. Easy to say, hard to do.

Congrats

Congratulations to the 3 new black belts! You all are inspiring in your own ways and I'm glad I got there on time to see your achievements. The banquet is always so motivating and I enjoyed your heartfelt speeches. All the best to all of you in the new chapter of your journey.

So Much Potential

The internet has so much potential to be such a positive thing. To be able to access so much information at your finger tips is pretty amazing. What many people are using it for, not so much. I'm constantly infiltrated with manipulative "news" articles. I don't know what I can believe anymore. It's very easy to manipulate someone into believing what you want them to believe, and it works. So many people take everything they see on Facebook as the real thing. I also see so much bullying on social media. The same people who would wear a pink t-shirt in support of anti-bullying, won't bat an eye at attacking someone in writing on a comments section. Recently I saw someone anonymously post about suffering from post partum depression and was asking for help on how to get past it. There were so many comments telling her she was using it as an excuse to be lazy or that she should quit whining and get over it or how she should get over it and be grateful. She was getting slammed. It made me so sad how many people will name call or just be plain rude about things they don't understand. If only people shifted the use of social media to educate each other, politely debate about different topics and spread real news. Now wouldn't that be wonderful? Wishful thinking I guess.

See you at the kwoon!

Am I ready to Roost?

I am coming up to my 5th year in I Ho Chaun. It's probably the only string I have left tying my to the school since not being around much the past 2 years and I am grateful for it. I have had a lot of challenges over the years and feel like even though my progress is slow, I'm still making progress, just in unexpected ways. 2016 started off with Josh and I getting into a car accident which ended up the last straw for me. My decision to go to school, move and get professional help for my anxiety issues stemmed from me feeling like I hit rock bottom and being overwhelmed with depression. Realistically speaking, I didn't hit rock bottom, it just felt like it at the time. I still had a roof over my head and the people I cared most about, but it was enough for me to make significant changes. Now, physically, I feel so much better, definitely NOT fitness wise, but I'm no longer feeling sick or in pain every day like I used to. Yay!

This year I need to focus on motivation and balance. I'm having a huge problem being motivated to do anything. When you're a big ball of anxiety like I was I kept busy all the time to get rid of all that access energy, now I don't seem to have that extra "push" and need to find different ways of motivating myself. I also need to start remembering my forms and getting back in shape. I think a lot of my personal goals will help me do that. If I can find the motivation, that is. I also need to maintain as much of a schedule as I can so I can do well at work, university, my relationships and kung fu. I have added time for each of these things in my calendar to help me re direct my thinking so I don't get so focused on one thing and have a healthy mixture of everything.

I look at people like Sihing Csillag and Sihing Chervenka. I have no idea how they do it. For Sihing Csillag to be able to be a wife, mother of 4 kids, work, and get through the I Ho Chaun. There's a prime example of someone who seems to be able to find balance. For Sihing Chervenka to be able to find motivation to practice after long work shifts and go through this program several times while on his own out on different work sites is beyond me. I don't think I'd be able to do that. I often see strengths in candidates year after year that I admire, and hope one day that I can be a good example for others who struggle like I do.

First, I need to work on being able to do one singular push up. My first IHC year I got up to 30 in a row, so I'm gunning to be able to do that again.

See you at the kwoon!